179 points
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This quote by TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com is a good thing to keep in mind. I’m not going to lock it because it genuinely seems to be helping some people. I’m getting reports though, so remember to be excellent to each other please.

this comment section is a memorial of injured experiences.

tread carefully.

Edit: fixed author’s username.

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30 points
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I think the username ends peb not pep

Also you might want to pin your comment to put it at the top

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13 points

It is at the top for my instance, it doesn’t work on some clients though. Thanks, I’ll fix his name.

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6 points

Right :) top is variable by user settings, is it pinned and my client just doesn’t respect pins?

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268 points

this comment section is a memorial of injured experiences.

tread carefully.

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38 points

Thank you for the warning, kind stranger.

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2 points

I prefer “monument to all your sins” but hard to disagree.

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267 points

“Why are men in general so emotionally constipated? omg stop crying like a pussy; we just asked a question!” - the patriarchy, oppressing us all

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170 points

feminism is for everyone. patriarchy is both against and enforced by everyone

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98 points
Deleted by creator
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9 points

I have a very different friend group. Yeah people still like to project success and their kids whatever at the moment. But even that’s only my local friends. Many of us love to talk shit about the state of the country/world and try to take care of each other through mental and emotional issues.

It’s funny, I generally prefer to talk to a woman professionally, but I’d rather talk to a man friend about specific emotional problems. Of course I’m lucky to have a wife I would talk about most of these things with, but not everyone has a good partner.

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3 points

Genuine question, how would you wish a good friend/partner would react?

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83 points
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When i was a kid it was the opposite… but in my adult years it’s been overwhelmingly women that tried to enforce masculinity on me any time I stepped out of the bounds of masculinity and did something feminine (wear feminine clothes, cry, make a comment getting hit on by men to name a few). I was a closeted trans woman in denial which made it extra annoying whenever it happened. Now that I’m out the women in my life have been extremely supportive so there is that. However whenever I go out in full femme with outfit and make-up I noticed it’s women who stare at me, had one lady look me up and down three times pretty deliberately while standing 4ft away from me. I don’t always see it as malicious (not that i would care), more like they’re curious or maybe even liking fit. But it’s an interesting contrast compared to men who seem to give me almost no mind or attention by comparison. It was something I didn’t expect.

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88 points

My wife makes way more than me, with the potential to be sole provider in less than 5 years. I told her id love to stay home and take care of the house/kids. She got offended, and said itd probably end our marriage because that wouldnt be masculine.

Shes always been a big proponent for gender equality… i guess she always only ever thought of one gender

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17 points

Yes, and many women are strict enforcers of the patriarchy, too. Boys are raised to deny their feelings by both parents, because both parents were raised that way, too. There’s a focus on hyper masculinity that hurts both men and women, and is perpetuated by both men and women. Society has been leaning away from that, but it’s caused a backlash that’s kinda hurting us right now. And some social media is amplifying it.

We’ll get past it, but it’s going to hurt for a while.

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1 point

You or @Ofiuco@lemmy.cafe in somewhere like the SF Bay Area, California?

Curious cuz this ain’t cool and I dare say my circles ‘round these decently progressive parts would concur

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-3 points

I think the ideology you think of when you say it’s for everyone, is egalitarianism. Feminism can’t be for everyone in the same way that patriarchy can’t mean “womens oppression of men”.

Unless of course, you’re looking to confuse with the terminology.

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21 points

Feminism is a range of socio-political movements and ideologies that aim to define and establish the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes.

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-5 points
Removed by mod
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20 points
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Thou I’d love to hear your thoughts on veganism. Suffice it to say you’re wrong this time champ.

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19 points

Feminism is explicitly about the social equality of sexes.

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-7 points

Thanks, buddy. A needed statement.

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17 points

It’s ironically self-unaware victim-blaming to use the male-based word “patriarchy” to describe a set of societal norms and expectations that both sexes are equally responsible for creating and perpetuating. Puts the blame entirely on men and takes women completely off the hook.

Pure sexism.

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9 points

I say the same about calling the movement feminism

If men are equally welcome in it, it’s not feminism anymore, it’s egalitarianism, but every woman I’ve ever seen it suggested to flips their shit while every man I’ve seen it suggested to goes “yeah that makes sense”

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3 points
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This has nothing to do with men being in position of power, this has everything to do with people having no empathy. If we lived in a matriarchy and people acted the same way they would still be assholes.

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18 points

Patriarchy says that men can’t be “soft” because that’s a womanly trait, and women are inferior.

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3 points

So they where practicing the first part. Do we have a word for that?

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-9 points

No, patriarchy is men having power, it doesn’t define what they can or can’t do otherwise.

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11 points

Are people this shitty to women when they express sadness?

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-10 points

Yes

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0 points

Stop using “the patriarchy” as an excuse for vile behaviour. Yes, it exists, but it’s made up of a large group of people behaving badly, and one way to break it is to address the individuals one at a time.

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-7 points

Stawp ghashlighting meh

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194 points

A few years ago I was struggling with body image and was starting to feel worthless and invisible in my marriage. When I tried expressing these feelings to my wife (really just trying to make an emotional connection) her response was curt and to the point: “You don’t have body image issues. I’m the one struggling with my weight.”

And that was it. I’ve never felt more alone in my life.

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36 points
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Hey you, you’re attractive. *Hugs

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24 points

Thx. You legit got a smile out of me.

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8 points

His hugs can be attractive I guess.

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14 points

Don’t worry bro, you’ll always have us internet homies!

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5 points

Dude, you are looking sharp today. Don’t ever think you can’t look good.

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4 points

🫂

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166 points
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I went through the worst depression of my life around 2017, tried to express these feelings to my gf at the time and explain why our romance was failing or why I spent half the day in bed.

Basically got told “poor you”, everyone has struggles, snap out of it and be a man. That definitely helped, and didn’t push me even deeper into feelings of worthlessness…

I’m doing ok now, but it was the first time I felt comfortable enough with someone to express those emotions, I was at my wits end. The response was eye opening, never again.

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7 points

Instead of saying to yourself “never again”, how about “never again with someone who will betray my vulnerability”? Because what happened to you sounds really horrible, but there are people out there who will be with you in your struggles and nurture and build you up in your vulnerable moments.

As a man someone who also struggles with vulnerability, there are ways to test the waters in a relationship (family, friend, partner, etc) when it comes to vulnerability so that you won’t be hurt like that again. I actually watched this video recently and found it really helpful: https://youtu.be/WyKFHd7cSaU

Of course, none of this is easy, but it can be life-changing to open up to someone and feel cared for. I’m glad you’re doing better, and I wish you the best.

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5 points

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 12 years now and I am lucky that I found someone that was supporting of my issues since pretty much day one.

In the last year, after many years of therapy, I was able to finally be totally vulnerable to my partner even if she always was supportive, not holding anything back, and it was liberating and almost addictive for a while.

The feeling is indescribable and one of the best feeling of my life.

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4 points
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Im sorry that happened, but never again what?

Like, “never again open up about a huge important part of my life to”

a) anyone, or b) someone you don’t know too long

Because only b) is healthy. I don’t think trying to mask your depression can work in a serious relationship.

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2 points
Deleted by creator
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3 points

A given group of people are not a monolith. While we do share a lot of similarities, we also all have the potential to be a little different from one another.

I hope you get a chance to find someone that will allow you to be open like that again. Sharing those emotions and having someone their to empathetically receive them is one of the most gratifying things as a human.

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People Twitter

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