August27th
Sorry to hear that. My ex was neglected in a bunch of ways as a child, and both her parents are narcissists. She may never fully heal from that, but she is better now than when we were together, she took the time to focus on herself better. That said, I’d never go back to her in a million years, I will never be able to be the person she needs. I can see the person she was supposed to be, she can too, but there’s nothing I can do, the damage was done before I even met her.
Don’t feel pressured to reply, reply more, nor even at all if you aren’t feeling it. I understand, and you owe no obligations. If I got you amped up, I apologize. If I didn’t, don’t worry that I apologized. Just chill and take it easy. You take care of you, one step at a time.
Don’t let your RSD get to you in this post. Convince yourself I wrote this for another person.
Bro, you are in a bad way, and I’m going to talk to you like no therapist ever would, because they have certain obligations and will dance around things until you finally get it on your own while they waste years of your life waiting for you to do so. I have ADHD and was in a relationship with a person with undiagnosed (at the time) BPD, which was no picnic, and some of your writings give me flashbacks.
I will be blunt with you, because I wish someone had been blunt with me and gave me direct advice. Get out, the relationship is not worth it, and the really unfortunate thing is that you can only really comprehend this properly once you are out.
If I could give you a gift, it would be to advance your life 15 years into the future when you are well out of this relationship – the moment you finally snapped you were so fed up and realized there was more to life is all but a distant memory – so that you finally have some perspective and relief. Your future self is glad that’s all in the past, and that you are finally safe and free of the toxicity you were living in.
Most of the time, it’s good.
I wish you knew how truly miserable this phrase is. You think you know, but you don’t, I can tell from how you defend things. I used to tell myself that same thing.
Our fucked up brains are just great at causing unintentional harm from time to time.
Stop trying to justify it. That’s what I did. I can tell you this is a bad defense. Things are much better with a partner without a fucked up brain, or at least a lesser one. I’d bet money that you’d find your brain less fucked up without hers around. Just because you are both fucked up doesn’t mean you can help each other, it makes it worse. Just because you are both fucked up, doesn’t mean you deserve each other or are right for each other even with therapy.
Our increasing [ability] to better express ourselves […] amplifies our ability to hurt one another
Isn’t that telling you something?
I’m madly in love with her and she with me
Yes, and? So what? This can be true even while she is still hurting you and you are miserable. People think this is mutually exclusive, but it isn’t. “I’m madly in love with her and she with me” what does this even matter if you are miserable?
She […] regrets [things] deeply. There was a lot of good that came out of our previous attempt at couples therapy and she’s made concrete changes, in addition to apologies.
That’s nice and all, but what good is this if you are still getting hurt and are miserable?
You have been patient, more than patient. You think there is an end in sight to your misery while remaining in this relationship, but it’s an illusion.
In my opinion, you’ve been strung along enough. You’ve given it way more than enough time for you to be happy, it’s time to try something new, something different, free of the encumbrances of this relationship. It’s probably scary to you. I know it was for me. But damn if it isn’t eye opening to be in a relationship where you aren’t being made miserable, your partner genuinely cares about you, and the physicality is a match. It’s exciting, refreshing, freeing. You can start fresh and put all that you’ve learned to use with someone who genuinely makes you happy, and you do the same for them. Things can get better.
Tell me you are too oblivious to implement CI/CD without telling me you’re too oblivious to to implement CI/CD. Their builds and packaging should have been fully automated if it was such a pain. If you can make a Mac version of any software, you can make a Linux version. The debate internally was likely management being dumb as rocks and overruling anyone who actually knows anything.
Edit: thank you to people upvoting this comment, but I do regret it. The only good I now see in it is that it spurned further discussion and clarity. If you upvote this post, do read and upvote the parent comment and reply comment from anon6789, there are good insights there, at the very least.
Then any carbon removed from the atmosphere gets released when the pellet fuel is burned. Add in the carbon from making the pellets and all the shipping and cutting down the trees and replanting, and we’re worse off than when we started. The net pollution they say is greater than coal or natural gas.
This makes no sense.
The net pollution they say is greater than coal or natural gas.
If “they” are oil and gas corporations, I’d say that too, if I were them. Any move against our bottom line, or competition to our subsidies is fair game for attack.
any carbon removed from the atmosphere gets released when the pellet fuel is burned
How is that wood’s problem exactly? How did that carbon get into the atmosphere in the first place to be turned into wood? If there had been no coal, gas, or oil, that atmospheric carbon would have been from burning wood in the first place, making it a net cycle of wood. It grows in short order regardless of what we do with it; it’s renewable.
There’s a competitor to fossil fuels, returning carbon to the atmosphere, it’s been burned literally forever, and oooh suddenly it’s the one to be concerned about, not the other carbon emitters that can only emit, never absorb? Come on.
carbon from [harvest, manufacturing, packaging, shipping] … we’re worse off than when we started
As if the extraction, manufacturing, packaging, and shipping for fossil fuels doesn’t emit vast amounts of carbon? If wood was harvested, manufactured, packaged and shipped with renewable energy, what’s the problem? Why couldn’t it be? If fossil fuels were harvested, manufactured, packaged and shipped with renewable energy, I’d say “cut out the middle man” and just use the renewables directly for energy. Is that your beef?
In that case, let’s harvest that wood anyway, turn it into charcoal, and sink it to the bottom of the ocean to get carbon back out of our atmosphere permanently. If you think that’s a ridiculous undertaking, it’s even crazier to think about the absurd amounts of carbon we are digging up and plain dumping into the atmosphere every day, and that wasn’t complained about first, before complaining about wood of all things. We don’t just need to stop emitting new carbon, we need to get it back out of the atmosphere forever, and that’s not even on the radar? Hmm.
What do you suggest we do? All I’m seeing is rhetoric is that trees are a grift, while suspiciously overlooking the fossil fuel subsidy grift.