Ideology [she/her]
https://woem.men/notes/9ragjwecxwul3nis
So it looks like they basically have to follow German law, so if some nazi troll or (or in this case your ex) files an unverified report, the company will just give you 24hrs to delete your server. I can imagine hosting a bunch of tankie content won’t go over well in Germany.
Hetzner recently started removing mastodon instances for having queer content on them. I wouldn’t go with them.
Nothing of value was lost.
WHERE IS MY HEALTHCARE, JOE?
Regardless, I would respect her wishes as an individual and continue to love her as a friend. She’s requesting that space and her autonomy should be respected even if things seem perfect otherwise. Maybe she’ll change her mind, but I would not operate on that assumption or it will create unhealthy behaviors and poison the well.
I would take what you’ve learned from her about friendship and community and apply it elsewhere. Whether it’s a polyamorous or monogamous or a series of flings or platonic friendgroups, whatever you need to move yourself in a forward direction. She can support you as your friend as you grow your community and/or romantic life and you can support her as her friend and not her prospective lover. She would probably appreciate you working to better yourself.
Love is the drive for community, to grow with another person or people in order to build something greater than yourselves. Infatuation and Passion can be expressions of love, but they are not love in-itself.
Infatuation in the absence of love is simply a desire for possession, a drive to make a person yours as though they’re a resource to be harvested. Infatuated love can fade to pure possessiveness or boomer-esque disdain when the situation develops in a way that wasn’t expected. To really love someone, you have to be prepared for them to change.
An easy example of this is when the love a parent has for their child fades when that child wishes to transition. True love would work through the change in order to value the person over their static “role” in the family structure.
In romantic love this can come in the form of pregnancy, increased dependence, increased independence, failing to contribute to the family economy, and a myriad of other reasons, some as simple as boredom when the New Relationship Energy fades off.
New Relationship Energy fueled by infatuation can mask a lot of incompatibilities, and when things fade you might find genuine feelings were for a person who only exists in your head. I believe this is what your friend is worried about.
I was actually in a similar situation as a teenager from which I moved on. If she’s a lot more experienced than you she might be clocking incompatibilities that are inconsequential with you two being “just” friends, but could create drama when the NRE wears off.
Posting because this made me think of y’all.
