Orannis62 [ze/hir]
Honestly hard for me to even figure out how I want to present because of stuff like this. Do I like to present broadly masc for its own sake, or to signal to other lesbians? Do I like to add a bunch of fem signifiers because I like the contrast or so cis people will at least hesitate before he/himming me? I’m genuinely not sure.
I already knew I had ADHD, but this is the year I finally acknowledged my autism. Over the course of this year, it’s made me really understand myself on a much deeper level and I’m working on unmasking more, bit by bit. Also, it’s wild the degree to which unmasking has also helped me feel more comfortable in my gender expression, because I have loads of gay little mannerisms that I’ve suppressed my whole life that just feel so right.
Figuring all this out also means acknowledging how deeply lonely I was as a kid, which is a thought I’ve really tried to stay away from but I really just need to accept it. As hard as it is, this is how I start healing, and it’s already working.
My ADHD can go fuck itself, but realizing I’m autistic feels like as big a revelation as when I came out as trans, and the two really do feel linked in some ways (not in a way where one “caused” the other but in that they’re major parts of me that I repressed).