TheActualDevil
Hey friend, I saw this post a couple days ago and it’s been sitting with me since then and I’ve been thinking about what I would say here. I know this kind of thing is tough. Passing is often seen as the most important part of transitioning, primarily because the rest of society explicitly or implicitly demands it. And if that’s important to you, that’s perfectly valid.
Personally, I’m more of a gender abolitionist. Gender is a social construct that society has tried (and kind of failed) to narrowly define and place barriers around. And we live in that society, so we can’t escape those feelings that have been forced on us and pounded into our subconscious. But it’s good to remember that it’s all bullshit. What a man looks like and what a woman looks like, even the traits that society has assigned to them aren’t rigid. There’s a wide spectrum for both with a HUGE overlap. I think this world would be a better place if we didn’t have genders, but individuals that interacted with each other as human beings who are allowed to look and feel the way that just feels natural to them without judgement or pushback. I know the world isn’t anywhere close to that, and I have doubts it could ever get there. Even holding these beliefs myself I still have subconscious thoughts intrude that contradict this ideal. But I take those moments to observe those thoughts and push back on them internally to better myself in this direction.
That being said, regardless of why you want to look more “feminine”, it’s valid and should be supported by everyone. I support you in this. Do what makes you feel happy and secure.
One more thing. I’m real bad about just letting every instance here in my feed, because I don’t want to miss out on potentially good content. So I didn’t immediately realize this was in Transfem. But when I saw your picture, I saw a woman, for what it’s worth.
Oh, well I guess they win then. Deep down they’re probably good people, so we just ignore their bigotry and allow it to proliferate further and continue to make the rest of the world a worse place for people I care about.
Fuck that. I cut out my family for being bigots. I told them specifically why and I refuse to take their phone calls. You have to let people know that those beliefs are wrong and let them know that there are social consequences for continuing to believe them. America didn’t pass the Civil Rights Act by waiting until people just came around and agreed with them. They said “This is wrong, and now illegal.” and made them deal with the consequences (Kinda. It’s still America and still pretty racist so…)
Point is, change doesn’t happen by ignoring shitty behavior. This kind of behavior needs to be confronted and shut down every time. EVERY TIME.