prenupbutter
I feel so silly because a friend of mine showed concern early on, saying it’s easy for guys who are avoidant/emotionally unavailable to love-bomb you at the beginning and mean it, but then they get freaked out and run. I was like “yeah yeah sure” thinking it’d either not happen, or that I’d be able to handle it when it did. Clearly, I could not handle it haha.
Wow, your story made me really sad for you, what a terrible way to be dumped. Thank you for sharing, it helps a lot to hear someone else’s experience and remember that I’m not alone. Your comment really moved me I almost started crying again haha. Thank you for being so kind.
You’re absolutely right. I’ve accomplished so much since my last - and abusive - relationship. For some reason I was able to recover from it very quickly, and I say this as someone who took 5 years to fully get over my first (also abusive) bf.
I was VERY codependent and the relationship traumatized me, but less than 2 months after the breakup, I entered an international comedy competition and won first place. Suddenly people who didn’t give a shit about me before wanted me on their shows. I had all sorts of new opportunities thrown at me and now I have a huge list of things I can happily brag about.
I probably would never have taken that sort of plunge when I was with my ex. Maybe hitting rock bottom + the anger made me fearless, I don’t know.
I still struggle a bit with self-image and social anxiety, but I can see how far I’ve come and I think overall, I’m a pretty cool person.
Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t see that. You’re right, I shouldn’t have to convince someone to be with me. I’ll tell myself that next time I have a “everything reminds me of him :'(” moment (and I’m having a LOT of those, ughh)
I’m pretty confident it wasn’t due to a secret relationship. He’s a digital nomad so he’s never in one place for very long, which he’d stated early on as to why he doesn’t expect to have a long term relationship with anyone.
So in fairness to him, he did try to manage my expectations. I knew it was a “situationship” and even told myself to not get too invested, just enjoy the moment with him etc and be ready to move on once he left.
I lost sight of that the longer we spent together, and despite what he said at the beginning, I naively thought that things were naturally developing into something more serious and that he’d be willing to do something long distance with me.
But in fairness to me also, he did say things like how he didn’t expect that we’d become so close, that I was the first person to make him reconsider moving back to his home country, and he did all kinds of things that imo, most people wouldn’t do for someone who’s just a casual fling. It’s just hard for me to understand that sort of inconsistency, but I guess all I can do is accept that people can be like that and that they’ll disappoint you as a result.
I had to quit my job not long ago to recover from burnout, and for some reason I decided to start using Arch btw even though I’m a kind of a linux noob (maybe as a more acceptable form of self-harm) and spent the next month locked away to tinker with it.
My setup is pretty much complete now, so I guess I’ll just focus on growing a beard this time. Thanks for the great tips!