sappho [she/her]
I do a lot of online socializing with the covid-conscious community (people who are actively avoiding infection, staying up to date on the research, advocating for masking/air filtration). There are regular Zoom events, various Discords, Facebook groups. The community is overwhelmingly left, often queer and neurodivergent, lots of people disabled and chronically ill - so it’s a good fit for me. Possibly not a good fit for you depending on how you’re reacting to COVID.
I don’t think so. I’m a very fast reader and I still kinda “hear” words in my head when I go at a relaxed pace. It’s just that at a certain level of literacy, your brain has the ability to visually recognize words faster than you can mentally enunciate them, and it can also recognize words faster than you can mentally process for comprehension. I realized this when of my relatives started to play a game with me where he would flash me a paragraph on his phone for just a second or two, and then I would somehow be able to recite it back. You can deliberately make yourself read at this speed but it’s not very fun, requires focus, and again, is often so fast that you start losing full comprehension of the content.
See the speed reading subsection here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subvocalization - in summary: everyone seems to subvocalize to varying extents, unless you deliberately train yourself not to, which you can, but you shouldn’t, because it sucks.
Is it possible to overdose on weighted blankets?
Everything says stick to 10% of body weight but I just got a 25lb to layer on my 15lb and, honestly. I think I need more
It warms my heart to know my one comment actually helped you. It’s odd for me as well to look back on that conversation now. I’m also feeling remarkably numb in comparison. My long covid is substantially worse, but I’ve given up on convincing the people I care about to avoid infection. Things don’t feel as raw, painful, and urgent as they once did. It’s like I boxed up some of my pandemic feelings and put them neatly aside, and I can’t tell if that’s acceptance or suppression. But maybe there isn’t a “correct” way to emotionally process something like this.
Ever considered going to a support group? Talking about feelings and vulnerabilities adds depth and meaning to relationships, but often it’s something you’ve gotta learn to do well. Support groups can be great for that, even Zoom ones, and you can often make new friends in the process
Thank you for sharing, this is fantastic news. I was hoping to hear more about Enovid’s efficacy
I really am thinking about not taking part in society at all. I’m high risk so wtf am I meant to do, isolate for the rest of my life? Constantly fending off hostility from people who want me to take the mask off and deepthroat my dose of covid? I’ve been watching all these videos of people living cheaply off the grid and wondering if that could seriously be the move for me… Just give up and go full hermit because everyone in this country wants me dead anyway. It makes me horribly sad - I always wanted to fall in love with a girl and get married, and now I don’t see how that’s possible if I have to avoid everyone forever.
Yeah, my dad is like that. But my mom is riding some sort of cycle along with me. Sometimes she admits that they fucked up my childhood, sometimes she tries to convince me that it wasn’t really abuse because they love me and they didn’t mean to. It really feels like I’m losing my grip on reality, especially when they claim not to remember the things I do.
Oh my goodness I relate to that so much. One of the hardest parts of the recovery process has been trying to stop blaming myself for my trauma reactions. I’ve been in a funk all week and I’m mad at myself for not even thinking to use my coping skills and just dissociating, and then I’m frustrated at myself for the coping skills not working (am I doing it wrong?), and on and on.
It’s a bit weird but sometimes it helps me to look at fluff videos of abused dogs being rehabilitated. Something about seeing an animal suffering just like me reminds me that the main things I need in this process are love, gentleness, and compassion. I’d never get frustrated at a dog for being frightened and unable to calm down.
I really would recommend Pete Walker’s work if you find his flashback stuff useful! His book Surviving to Thriving was one of the first I read on CPTSD and it felt like finally finding the instruction manual for my brain. It can be a really heavy read though and bring up a lot of buried feelings.
Have you read Pete Walker’s flashback management steps? They have been the most effective for me, especially the mantra he suggests. There’s also some useful suggestions from /r/CPTSD here.
I’ve been wide awake for the past five hours trying to stop my brain from revisiting traumatic memories - so you aren’t alone in dealing with this kind of thing, I’m sorry you’re having a flashback right now. ❤️