Even IF you somehow manage to navigate today’s maze of failures, rejections and heartbreak, what is your reward? To live yet another day in misery? To wait until climate change, war or disease does away with us?
A reward would be to be able to rest. I don’t mean death per sé, but it seems like that’s the only real-life thing left available to people like us.
Yes, yes, I know very well that “if nothing has meaning, YOU get to choose the meaning”. Except I don’t. Maybe if I was rich or powerful. But I’m poor, in poor health and powerless.
I read Camus’ Sisiphus, and I, for one, cannot possibly imagine him happy.
So what do you want to be good at? What do you want to drive you? You have to look for your passion.
And your family doesn’t resent you for not making enough money. This is in your head, depression makes you feel this. They may feel distant, and depression can do this (if you don’t feel like spending time with them) or make you think this. Unless your kids are teenagers, then they probably do distance themselves from you because that’s a teenager thing.
