(Content warning, discussions of SA and misogyny, mods I might mention politics a bit but I hope this can be taken outside the context of politics and understood as a discussion of basic human decency)
We all know how awful Reddit was when a user mentioned their gender. Immediate harassment, DMs, etc. It’s probably improved over the years? But still awful.
Until recently, Lemmy was the most progressive and supportive of basic human dignity of communities I had ever followed. I have always known this was a majority male platform, but I have been relatively pleased to see that positive expressions of masculinity have won out.
All of that changed with the recent “bear vs man” debacle. I saw women get shouted down just for expressing their stories of being sexually abused, repeatedly harassed, dogpiled, and brigaded with downvotes. Some of them held their ground, for which I am proud of them, but others I saw driven to delete their entire accounts, presumably not to return.
And I get it. The bear thing is controversial; we can all agree on this. But that should never have resulted in this level of toxicity!
I am hoping by making this post I can kind of bring awareness to this weakness, so that we can learn and grow as a community. We need to hold one another accountable for this, or the gender gap on this site is just going to get worse.
I don’t actually want to be nomadic, I’d love nothing more than to have a group of gaming friends that lasts. Inevitably, each time finding a new group gets harder.
I have no support network, No real social group either. I am for all intent and purpose a ghost. My opinions don’t matter, my presence isn’t wanted. No one notices when I leave.
yeah i get it, i don’t really want to be nomadic myself. But to me the value of being able to appear in places and disappear in others is massive. So far the best theory i’ve come up with is putting together a friend group like it’s a card deck for something. I don’t think putting groups together in a literal “hey i’m here now” tends to work out all that often. There are a couple of groups of people that i’ve clicked really well with over the years, and even though it’s drifted i’m in good light with them, and likewise, there are other groups out there that exist in a sort of liminal state, those also tend to be pretty nice. Though much harder to find.
One of these days i would like to spin up a public/private instance of a chat relay/server or something, and spend a few years collecting some of the more interesting people in the bunch to be in a personal circle. I think that’s probably about as close as i would get to having a social group/support network. And being the head admin there, i have sole discretion at the users expense, so i don’t have to worry about moderation bullshit.
I think the idea of “join a group of people like you about this specific thing” is dead now unfortunately. I think we’re at a point where you need to build a group specifically for the purpose that it exists.
Behavior like what you act out here, calling out women over a nuance that barely matters, is exactly the stuff that inspired me to make this post.
Thank you for illustrating my point.
