OK this is my list. But first, I need to say that this isn’t a condemnation of those into such thing. They just don’t vibe with me.

  1. Cannot get into ASMR. I’ve tried. Often its women 20 years younger than me, rubbing their fingernails on hairbrushes. The intentional sounds they make with their lips and fingers are things that would make me want to change seats on a bus.
  2. Instagram. I was maybe the last person to get a smart phone. It was probably 2016. I’m just fully lazy to take photos of stuff. This is a real issue when I’m single and I need to start putting photos on dating sites, as all pics of me in my phone are me squeezing carrots in my nostrils and similarly goofy things.
  3. My students’ taste in anime. I try to be all cool and show off my cool taste in anime, maybe drop a Azumanga Daioh clip. It’s all ancient history for 17 year olds.
  4. Photo and videos done in portrait mode. I guess I don’t watch videos on the go. See #2

Things that the kids these days do better:

  • Usually better opinions on current events than people my age
  • I wish that cosplay existed when I was a teen. The default when I was younger was drugs.

If anyone insults the kids, I will visit you at your home and do an

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15 points
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Text instructions are so much easier to skim through. I don’t want to wait for someone’s stupid 12 minute long “ULTIMATE guide for pee pee poo poo” to load and jump randomly through the video to find the relevant two second long section that contains the information I’m looking for that I could have easily found in five seconds if they had just made a text guide for it and I could have ctrl-f’d to find the exact information I needed.

Also I hate how every loser calls their guide the “ULTIMATE guide to X.” Terrible fucking buzz word. If I see anything that calls itself the ULTIMATE guide for whatever I’m skipping it by default, fuck you.

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10 points

the only good video tutorials are something like “serive and maintenance for sram s7 spectro.mov” and it’s a guy with a native dialect you’ve never heard in your life

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12 points

Me watching the same tut five times because the premier expert in the world is from Delhi and I struggle with that accent. Or, like, someone who clearly learned English as a second language and is all “I apologize for my poor english” in the description like they’re not a goddamn superhero for being the only documentation on the entire internet for some obscure thing.

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