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481 points
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This is getting so stupid, it’s beginning to sound like The Onion. Why don’t they just start charging for reading posts.

Here’s an idea: Every day you get 5 Reddit Emeralds for free, and you can use them to read 5 posts. If you want to read more, you can get more emeralds from Common Reddit Loot Boxes. You can buy those boxes with Reddit Rubies.

You can get Reddit rubies from Rare Reddit Loot Boxes, and in order to get those, you have to use Reddit Diamonds. If you have 19 Common boxes you can also craft 1 Rare Loot Box. Doing so will also require 10 rubies.

You can also buy Reddit Diamonds with Superior Crypto-Augmented Money (SCAM), and getting those coins requires real world money.

Ok, so now that you have all these gems, you can put them to good use. Emeralds are used to read posts. When you comment, there’s a 50% chance that it will be deleted within 30 minutes, but you can improve your odds by spending 1 Reddit Ruby. For each Ruby, the odds improve by 10%. Posts have the same mechanism, but you need to spend Diamonds instead.

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198 points

/u/spez is violently taking notes.

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138 points

Be careful or you might get a job offer from reddit

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87 points

Or EA.

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43 points

too late, Twitter has got OP to sign a contract already.

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40 points

Write that down! Write that down!

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38 points

Dear God they’ll have this implemented within a week. Why did you do this?

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21 points

Some men want to watch the world burn and use the resulting embers to make some popcorn. 🍿

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23 points

Twitter only lets you read so many tweets without paying, so this is entirely possible

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8 points

OMG it happened again. Just say the stupidest thing you can think of, and you’ll find out that thing was already made reality some time ago.

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13 points

Too plausible!

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9 points

And people would still use the site for some reason

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11 points
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Same reason why Raid Shadow Legends and Destiny make so much money.

See also: different types of deceptive designs

While working on a software project, you could turn that job into mini-game where you try to squeeze each and every one of those tricks into the app. Who knows, there could be a secret achievement for that.

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8 points

Why don’t they just start charging for reading posts.

They’re already discussing this, believe it or not. I saw an announcement about it a few weeks ago.

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7 points

Going crazy with that scenario wasn’t enough since reality has already caught up with it. Need to up my game…

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6 points

Got half way through your post and started to feel sick. Not because it’s ridiculous, but because it sounds like actual other apps and this is our reality now.

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4 points

Sorry about that. That’s what tends to happen with literary naturalism, a style I find my self gravitating towards every now and then.

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2 points

The onion wasn’t wrong. He is ahead of it’s time.

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2 points

The onion wasn’t wrong. He is ahead of it’s time.

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