She wanted me to make this post, because she is not sure if she is just “weird” or if she can get diagnosed with ADHD and/or autism and make her life a bit easier. The symptoms that bother her the most are the following:
-
Sometimes walks away from uninteresting conversations without realizing (with familiar people) with strangers, feels like being held hostage.
-
Intense focus to the point of forgetting to eat, drink water and neglecting to go to the toilet.
-
Periods of low mood and anhedonia vs periods of intense obsession(?) and excitement with some activity (specific game or game genre, desktop customization).
-
Diagnosed with dysthymia and BPD traits (due to self-harm).
-
Suicidal thoughts since 14 yo but never made an attempt.
-
Low self esteem.
-
Persistent interests for many years in which she has made great contributions.
-
Does not like to go out much and feels dirty after going out.
-
Very annoyed by insects, afraid of bees and wasps.
-
She is a perfectionist.
-
In kindergarten, she would not go out for recess if she was still in the middle of doing something (finishing a drawing).
-
When learning how to do something, she liked repeating the process e.g. making boxes out of paper, drawing the same image.
-
Always sits with her knees close to her chest.
-
Occasionally rocks back and forth or from side to side sometimes repeats certain sounds / jingles / song melodies.
-
She thinks in images instead of words, except when having depression-related thoughts (e.g. “I am useless”), or positive thoughts (“I can do this”) or when daydreaming scenes with dialogue.
-
Because of this, speaking is hard for her as she has to translate the images to words.
-
Performs great at work but gets burned out quickly.
-
Is bad at socializing, and has cut contact with her old friends and does not want to go back to having friends
-
Zones out of conversations.
A lot of women with early life/chronic trauma get told they have borderline even if they don’t fully fit the criteria. It’s a systemic misogyny thing. I wonder if that is what is going on here?
It is common for people with ADHD and/or autism to develop CPTSD as a result of the way we are treated by others and by the world’s inaccessibility. CPTSD absolutely looks like chronic depression with some of the traits of borderline personality disorder. It might be worth considering because there are different treatment options for CPTSD that could be more effective.
