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I recently learned (in my mid-40s) that I’ve been figuring this out the hard way most of my life.

I always diagram the sentence in my head, as in: The subject is fear, the object is Rush, so it’s ‘whom.’
My wife has a simple grammar rule that if him/her works then it’s whom, if she/he fits better then it’s who.

I feel like my primary school teachers did me dirty.

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8 points

That’s it. That’s exactly how it works. People act like using whom instead of who is fancy, but it’s really no more complicated than knowing the difference between he and him or she and her.

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5 points

I just assume that if what you’re referring to is “them”, it’s “whom”.

I cannot learn otherwise, I am too stupid.

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Yeah, them = whom and they = who.

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3 points

Thank fuck, I was not joking

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2 points

Is it the thing that’s doing the verb? Then it’s who. Otherwise whom.

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