Sending good vibes to all of my trans comrades
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non binary feels/dysphoria
Increasingly realizing my non binary-ness by how much I recoil at being called “doll,” “girl,” and other cutesy terms. Like, i’m almost 30, I get why folks do it, but I find it patronizing mostly for transfems.
Like one would never refer to a cis woman as girl constantly?
This is probably me being very autistic about this, idk
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There’s definitely an infantilising quality to it which is… Discomforting sometimes. I’m always a bit torn on it when using it or being called it, but at the same time I also fall into that category of transfem that finds comfort in the term so I use it probably more than I should. I try to avoid it at least if I don’t know the person in question is comfortable with it though, although I might’ve slipped up on that once or twice.
It’s definitely not just a you thing or an autistic thing though, I know a lot of people uncomfortable with how tranfems use the term for various reasons.
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Like even in another part of this thread, I have no desire and even repulsion at being called a “good girl” but I love that this affirms folks too. Slip ups are okay! We’re only human and gender is a fuck. Going to start asking folks in my circle to stop using it with me though.
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I have the repulsion too, like nails down a chalkboard but I know it’s different for others. I’ve also been infantilised by people even recently, all of this raises my hackles, I feel like a rottweiler lol seriously… nothing more insulting…
Hopefully they’ll understand, I know some get defensive unfortunately
goodluck <3
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“Doll” feels so so so bad, it’s by far the most infantilizing term for transfems.
Personally I’m realizing I don’t really vibe with ‘girl’ (for similar reasons to ‘doll’, it’s infantilizing) as in ‘i am a girl’, but when used in a similar way to ‘dude’, i’m completely fine with it.
‘Sis’ being used in a similar way to ‘dude’ is kinda rad tho.
“Queen” on the other hand is pure bad feels for me because of how heavily i associate it with the cis gay drag scene. Yeah I know it was used by cis women before drag got as popular as it is now, but I personally associate it cis gay culture too much to be comfortable with it.
You’re so real for this, even if it is an autism thing idgaf. Also yeah, way I see it you can only read “girl” as a way address someone A) in the camp gay way B) patronisingly. Idk I think I kinda hate it too? Although I have heard cis women address eachother as GIRRRRRL often.
I haven’t decided where my own boundaries are on this stuff so it’s odd but I dislike this also =)
I also note that cis women don’t use it in the same way? At least not above a certain age/maturity. Not at all implying that we need to base what we do off what the cis do. Just find these differences in language interesting and digging into why they make me so uncomfortable.
This is autism so Idk necessarily but when my mother used to take me to get my hair done and stuff, (before she kicked me out lmao) I would actually hear mid-40s cis women talk to eachother that way in casual conversation, as a sort of YASS QUEEN SLAY -ism which was bizarre. Maybe it’s kind of a “winemom” thing? Idk cis women are so damn weird and I cannot comprehend their social movements generally.
It is a good thing to dig in and find out why stuff is a certain way =)
Me and my coworkers (my coworkers are all cis women) refer to each other as girls. I dunno, not a big deal for me obviously. I would absolutely respect someone’s preferences to not be referred to as those terms.
I feel this too, most endearment terms irk me so i try to make it clear to others not to do that with me.
Girl, queen, sis, all that stuff… Is a big
Anything that tries to keep you in that binary gets a similar reaction…
Ohmygod, glad i’m not the only one! I feel like a crazy person communicating this out in the world when that’s how many of the transfems around me refer to each other! Like I know it is supposed to endearing, it just feels wrong.
Sorry if I’ve done that to any of you I just love being called a girl so much. I will try to be more mindful.
