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9 points
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I had a youth pastor back before I was old enough to have started masturbating, and he gathered all the boys 'round one day to talk to us about masturbation, because the previous weeks one of the boys had made a joke about it.

Basically, the consensus at the Denbigh Christian Church was that ejaculation is only sinful if you’re lustful. So loving sex between spouses is okay, jerking off is a sin, and wet dream can also be sins, if accompanied by dirty dreams. But the real problem is that ejaculate is, basically, your bodies reserve of energy. If you’re constantly cumming, you won’t have energy for other things, because your body needs that for shit like thinking, and moving.

Basically, you’re wasting calories, I think?

I was 10, and very confused.

ETA: got the church wrong. Can’t remember the name of the one with that youth pastor. But the Sunday school teacher at the same church (not DCC, the one I can’t remember) told us that Angels hate us, because we have free will and they don’t, and if it were up to them, they’d slaughter us in our sleep. They only don’t because they’re told not to by God.

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8 points

Better than what my grandmother (who was not the best person) told me when I was very small and taking a bath- “if you keep touching it, a man will come with a scissors and cut it off.” Even now more than 40 years later, just typing it kind of freaks me out because it scared me so much.

On the other hand, it never stopped me from masturbating, so I guess she failed there.

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3 points

Nothing stops masturbation. Best you get is creating a complex around it.

But when I was a kid and in the “I grew a fidget spinner!” phase of the late single digits, my mom told me that it i didn’t stop playing with it, it would get stuck in a random position and then I’d have to lay on my side to pee.

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3 points

That might actually encourage me.

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