7. Vomiting

This shit sucks. I know it sucks and I thankfully haven’t experienced it since I was like 8. I take caution not to experience it because of how much it sucks. Bottom tier biological function.

6. Sneezing

God I fucking hate allergies. I hate sneezing. I hate how I have to be tethered to fucking tissues or napkins at all times just in case I have one of those 10 minute long fucking sneezing fits. Fuck this shit. It’s like coughing but grosser and more disruptive.

5. Coughing

Not usually that bad, but very disruptive and annoying and can be very painful if it’s too severe or lasts too long.

4. Pooping

Sometimes gross, always inconvenient. If I could simply absorb the entirety of my food and expel waste only through piss I would be slightly happier.

3. Peeing

Mildly inconvenient and unpredictable. Forces me to choose between sitting down on toilet seats that I might not be able to trust have been cleaned effectively and standing up and playing the double stream lottery.

2. Burping

Barely noticeable bodily function unless you’re purposefully playing it up for the funny noises, rarely smells or inconveniences anyone.

1. Farting

Come on, it’s got it all. Can do it anywhere, no inconvenience. Makes funny noises. Tells you who’s a stuck up asshole who thinks they’re above the animal kingdom. Top tier bodily function.