Getting the plaintext script from the Internet and making a local theater production out of it? Now THAT’S peak carbon neutrality!

Ah but what about when you factor in all of the commuting of the actors and staff (each in their own truck, the only PATRIOTIC transportation method) plus the emissions from the production of the costumes and sets, not to mention keeping the theatre running. No, I’m afraid the only neutral form of entertainment are rogue puppet shows and one-person bands.