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15 points

Two possible scenarios:

  1. OP’s autocorrect wrote “returns” when they meant for the post to say “results”, in reference to the U.S. election

  2. OP knows that the rapture is happening tomorrow when the pious souls will return to Heaven

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2 points

Even if the rapture happens tomorrow, nothing changes.

“God” - “I started the rapture, why aren’t there more people up here?”

St peter- “there weren’t any believers that were qualified”

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2 points

Take them anyway, I really don’t want to be stuck with a bunch of rapture reject crybabies. Burn me in hell forever, see if I give a shit, but don’t make me listen to them whine about it.

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4 points

There’s a difference between poll returns and election results. Returns are “as they happen” and get updated. Results are final.

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5 points

Thanks. I realized after the comment that the term has gone out of fashion

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2 points

Weird. Let’s bring it back!

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4 points

I like the second scenario best tbh, even if it entails me burning in hell for the rest of eternity.

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4 points

Don’t worry, the first scenario also could produce hell on earth for the rest of eternity as well

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1 point

Sounds like an improvement.

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2 points

I don’t know. I’ve been enjoying the late decadence of western civilization, to be perfectly honest. It could get worse, sure, but can you imagine anything more boring than having our collective survival as a species guaranteed?

I can’t.

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