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90 points
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The article itself gets even better, and I especially loved this line:

At press time, McConnell had reportedly died after hearing the song “Happy” by Pharrell.

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22 points

Beautiful. I just found another good one on there.

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16 points

Great final sentence on that one, too!

At press time, the elderly senators reportedly realized they also used the same brand of super absorbent diapers.

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