Hey. I was told having issues controlling anger or emotions in general can be related to ADHD. I know I get WAY angrier than anyone should ever be sometimes.
Especially when injustice and ignorance come my way. I get furious beyond anything I’ve ever seen or heard of anyone else talk about. Maybe aside from depictions of killers or berserkers in fiction. It’s not cool.
Only a few times have I gotten in trouble for it luckily and I never actually done anything more than shout the most disgusting insults at someone.
Now I do feel bad afterwards if I got angry at someone I like. But often enough I feel they fucking deserved it. If someone is an ignorant asshole willingly ruining someone’s day, week or life they deserve some ruin thrown back at them. I know this might not be a good and healthy thing to think. But if someone provokes someone don’t they ask to be yelled at?
I know they do this to ‘win the argument’ because of that imo idiotic notion that who yells first is wrong. But honestly I rarely care to be right enough for shit to matter.
I’ve read a few books on anger management and some techniques help a bit. But the amount of anger described in the book seems so very mild to me in comparison to what I experience and how fast it builds up. One book told me to count to three. I am ready to launch nukes before I reach 1. That won’t work.
And I don’t get angry at something. I have pure rage and fury, hatred and contempt for existence itself at those moments. Angry really doesn’t cut it. It’s scorched earth, blown it all up and piss on the ruins kind of anger.
So anyone else experience this? Any tips to deal with this shit?
Oh yes. Adhd, autism here, so severe over stimulation, impulse issues. Also. Grew up in abusive, violent childhood, where the only conflict resolution taught me was to yell, scream, throw things, lose it. Took me years of therapy to to try to overcome. These are what helped the most, some I do daily.
Dbt, cbt. Focusing on chatter in brain, learning to control it. Various centering, grounding exercises, including
Narrating my actions. Now I’m opening the door, now reaching into pocket…
Close eyes, focus on each of the 5 senses in turn.
Close eyes, just move, without thought, I do this a lot, it looks kinda like Tai chi.
I have a lot of mantras, including:
Let go of the anger, let go of the hate. Don’t become emotionally attached to an abuser. No assumptions, no expectations, no judgment. This is not all of me. Observe, describe, participate. I am both observer and observed.
I’ve learned anger can be useful. Helps recognize problem. Spurs to action. But it’s self sabotaging long term. I don’t like feeling out of control, consumed with hate. I don’t enjoy hurting ppl.
Becoming a violent, out of control abuser, to me, is embarrassing. It’s low class, uneducated, and I’m so much better than that. I try to learn from my mistakes, gain greater control over myself.
To be filled with hateful anger towards someone, that means they have power over me. It’s a form of intimacy, commitment, and why would I expose myself , become that intimate with someone I don’t like?
Ymmv.
