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Hey, thanks for answering my well-meant but somewhat blunt question :)
I feel the same as you. I have self-diagnosed after years of research and even gone to multiple seminars on autism due to diagnosed family members, and I still worry that it’s not valid enough.
Not for lack of trying to get a professional diagnosis, I’m on my 3rd attempt now, but they generally ignore masking adults in my country. While the world in general is on DSM-5, we’re still on ICD10 (from 1992!!), so professional competence on adult and masked ASD is scarce.
In short: Self-diagnosis is 100% valid. It has to be, because not everyone are able to get one affordably or even at all (or may not want one because it locks them out of certain professions), but they still need support and understanding.
Didn’t find it blunt at all. Very fair and important question. I am a researcher in autism related field (I also have imposter syndrome about calling myself autism researcher, I prefer language researcher) and keep myself immersed in all the latest research. Yet I don’t feel like I have the knowledge required to decide and be sure I am right. It is somewhat a me thing but I recognize it is largely the unavoidable outcome of medicalizing an identity (would love to hear what others here think about autism as an identity). The individual can not be the authority.
Sorry to hear about your struggle with trying to get a diagnosis. May I ask, are you a woman?