Detroit: Tragedy at Binford Sex Tools show, when speaker Tim “Toolman” Taylor got stuck in one of the new XL Ejacu-Pumper models, whilst demonstrating features to the audience. Eyewitnesses say that while inserted into the machine, Taylor began to mimic riding a bucking bronco. During this animated outburst, Taylor lost his balance, falling backward, and accidentally pulling the refrigerator sized sex appliance down upon himself. In a scene that had played out countless times prior in his life, Taylor lost control of the unit, as it went into what a Binford representative called “overdrive mode.”

According to an attendee, who wished to remain anonymous “I heard a noise that day that will haunt me for the rest of my years. I was across the expo hall, and amidst a low rumble of screams came a piercing cacophony of confused cries of pleasure and pain. I don’t know quite how to explain it. It was like a wolf, gurgling, grunting and howling all at once. The noise went on for minutes, getting louder and more desperate sounding. When it stopped, I guess that’s when his pelvis was crushed.”

A public memorial service will be held at Ford field this coming Sunday, prior to the Lions game, with a private burial ceremony to be held later in the week.

And when a woman buys a FUCKMASTER Pro 5000 she is an absolute boss

Been awhile since I saw TV ads, but I don’t remember even one for any kind of sex toy geared towards anyone tbh.

(Not that I would want or need to see one lol)

Isn’t that the point? It’s not an unfairness thing, it’s just a lack of demand. For most guys their hand and some videos are enough. By the time you’re done you feel dirty just cleaning your browser history, forget an actual used device… lol