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21 points
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That’s because asteroids with organics that create life are sent out by the Pathagorath, the screeching glutton that dwells in the blinding. He’s the creature that lives in the center of the galaxy and sends out asteroids to seed worlds with life so that he can devour their souls. You see when we die our souls are eternally digested in his bottomless belly, and without ever increasing nourishment his metabolism would cease to produce the necessary excretions our galaxy needs for time to exist and we would simply blink out of existence. We owe him eternally for our existence as well as our damnation.

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7 points

What kinda panspermian fan fiction is this?

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5 points

We must make sacrifices to the Pathagorath in hopes that he may notice our devotion to him and destroy our souls before they are harvested.

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1 point

I can get you a bus load of republicans to sacrifice, but they may upset his tummy.

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4 points

And he sent his one true son to teach us about triangles… Again.

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