• FREE! rootkit with every install
• Progression system with skill trees for paddles, launcher, and tilt
• Level-locked missions
  • 150% XP Time Saver^TM sold separately. Eat my ass, Ubisoft!
• Daily login rewards with bonus for no days missed
• Pay to have loot boxes dropped onto the table (you have to hit them to unlock, so it’s totally not gambling!)
• Visual downgrade controversy, for some reason

I just want to take a moment real quick to highlight that you wrote out the phrase “Ronald Reagan ball skins.”