I just found out from my wife that if I continue to explore my non-binary identity outside of the confines of our house, she’s going to end up leaving me. Talk about a lose-lose scenario, fuck me. I really don’t want to hear the “you’re better off without her if she can’t be accepting” line of thinking. I get where you’d be going with that, but there’s a lot more going on beyond this wherein I need her.
I’d love to be able to give her the benefit of the doubt like that, but I didn’t just come out, it’s that I’m just now starting to have the tiniest amount of confidence to consider presenting as such.
I’d never felt confident enough to really do anything in the direction of dressing outside my AGAB, but her and I talked the other night and she was encouraging and supportive. She even said I should get some clothes to wear to a music festival we’re going to. I started to look and showed her some things I was thinking, which was nothing crazy, but clearly feminine, and that’s where she said she couldn’t live this way.
I’d love to be able to talk to a therapist, either alone or together, but no one near me takes my insurance.
Ugh, I bet that quick whiplash of real support to rejection and denial was really hard. I’m not really sure what’s going on there — AMAB people dressing more feminine is always seen so negatively even by people who purport to be progressive.
A music festival is such a good environment for experimenting with your presentation! Maybe try to make time for that alone if you can?
It’s such a bummer you can’t get in any counseling. I also couldn’t find anyone who took my insurance so I pay out of pocket for it ($85/visit) which sucks.
Yeah, it felt like more of a betrayal than when exes admitted to cheating on me. I also don’t get why it’s such a big deal. I won’t have any solo time at the festival unfortunately. But I do only work 4 days of the week, so I get a day to have the chance to express myself, thankfully.
