Over 16 years ago I fell in lust with my wife. She was an older woman and family friend going through some hard times in a relationship and I was a young man in my early 20s feeling lonely and getting over the hardest breakup ever. I heard about her troubles and reached out. Misery loves company.

We chatted for a while before she finally cut things off with her ex and I steered the conversation towards romance and sexual talk. Soon we were sexting. Sending nudes. We lived over 1000 miles apart. We would have phone sex regularly. Then, we planned a trip to New Orleans together. It was going to be our getaway. The day we were supposed to fly out everything was cancelled because Katrina made landfall.

Months later I made plans to travel to her and stay a week. My childhood friends that I still keep in touch with and father lived nearby but I was going to see her primarily. I stayed at her place that week. Our time together was AMAZING. Everything was dream. We cried when I had to fly out and I knew we were a thing and there was no returning to normal so I got right to making permanent plans. She was completely on board. We weren’t in lust anymore. I loved this woman.

I told my family that I wanted to move back to her area to be closer to my friends and my father. I told them I was going to be her roommate because I had reached out to her and she had an extra bedroom at her place and could use the extra income (all true). Everybody bought it and we kept the charade up for a few years. We weren’t roommates and it was almost everything I hoped it could be. The secrecy made it so much more exciting.

There was one problem. She is an alcoholic. Even in the beginning I knew but I never really grasped how bad it was. Her blackout drunk does not seem to be blackout drunk. She slurs words and stumbles around but is otherwise often pretty lucid. You know she’s drunk but not in an “I won’t remember any of this and will act like a fool” kind of drunk but she was totally that drunk. Often. When she wasn’t she would be functional alcoholic drunk. I think in 17 years you could count the days she was stone cold sober on your fingers and toes.

Eventually we told my family of our relationship. It was a little awkward but it went well. They accept our relationship completely. After some years and many struggles (the 2008 crash left us homeless for a while) we were able to build up a life for ourselves. We are barren, so no kids, but after a few health scares for us both we got married. 10 years seems like yesterday and for all our struggles it really has flown by. I love my wife and it has been so worth it.

A few months ago, of her own volition, she got sober. I had tried to help over the years with that but it never worked. It’s very hard to watch someone you love so much slowly kill themselves. It had caused a lot of dysfunctions in our marriage and we’ve gone through rough patches. I’m happy she is sober but the sober her is not who she was for the past 17 years. She is a different person now.

And I’m falling in love with that person. We talk almost every night. We lie in bed as naked lovers and hold each other and build each other up. My sober wife’s bedroom preferences are not anything what her alcoholic bedroom preferences were. She is warmer to me in general. She is kind. This is not who I married. I think part of me misses that person but a much greater part of me loves this new person more. It’s been 17 years and I’m courting her like we are dating anew. We are rediscovering ourselves and our sexuality together and I couldn’t be happier.

I love my wife so much. She is named after a Greek goddess and my heart worships at her temple every day.

Sorry but no TLDR, comrades. If you want to know you have to read.