I just finished watching the “Shiny Happy People” documentary and have been thinking about this a lot recently. I lucked out finding a substance abuse support group with a licensed counselor that offered to see me individually for free, and am really looking forward to our next session so I can bring this up:

My parents have always believed that abortion is immoral with the exception of life-threatening cases. They first tried to teach me at what I think is an incredibly inappropriate age (I can’t remember how old I was, but I vaguely recall the first time it was brought up being before I even entered elementary school). They eventually started using my mom’s trauma of giving birth at 19 out of wedlock and giving the baby up for adoption as an example of the moral path maybe by the time I was in fifth grade. Rather than fall prey to these repeated attempts at gaslighting, I’ve spent my life advocating for women and LGBTQ+ right to healthcare, bodily autonomy, and validation. Still, my parents lack of validation has taken me decades to accept and move on from.

It just hit me that as an adult in my 30’s, I don’t need their validation. I can have a relationship with them and maintain boundaries. It took me this long to realize that in trying to change their minds, that’s all I wanted.

I’m excited to explore the idea with my counselor. I hope to someday tell my parents: “if you want me to trust you, you have to demonstrate that you’re trustworthy. Until you validate my right to bodily autonomy, I cannot fully trust you.” I’m not as concerned about changing their minds now as I am motivating people to vote, but I do wonder if the simple act of voicing my boundaries will make a difference. If not, that’s ok :) I’m glad to have found this community <3