I used to, when I was a lot younger. It took a close homie of mine chipping away at the neurotic almost-phobia that my mother gave me of my own culture, and then a run-in with the cops a few years after the homie that absolutely informed me as to what I am when the pig’s radioing home, for me to really start busting those walls down and feeling out who I am and what my place is.

I have a very similar background to you.

I don’t have solutions per se but I realised later on that my lack of interest in my own origin and culture stems from mainly personal trauma and scarce engagement with people from my country.

Like you, since being taught abroad, it meant that there was no singular nation or country to identify with and I assume, as typical for international kids in the Arabian Peninsula, you’d grow up either in a “international” private school and your high school would end in either IAL or IB.

This means a severe disconnection and ignorance of your own history and culture. You’d be taught a Eurocentric and often “globalized” (neoliberal) image of both yourself and society at large. I myself was bombarded with notions of “global citizenship” (which was an actual subject you could study).

A step towards appreciating and recognising my own identity was reading the history of my own country. Understanding what my ancestors been through, understanding the dynamics in which have shaped people before me, and understanding how it affected my self-perception and how I ended up where I am (in this case, West Asia).

It is not easy. But fortunately for both you and I, we have our work cut out short by being from countries colonized by Anglophones. There is an extensive corpus of books written in English that you are able to engage with dealing with your own culture and country.

I myself struggle to learn a language - and I envy those who can pick up multiple relatively easily - so I say this as no easy step, but learning your native tongue and it’s nuances and specifities will undoubtedly boost your own “cultural self-confidence” but also allow you to engage with the masses of people where you are from.

I’ll have to say though that I was able to return to my home country for a few years, and that also helped slowly chipped the alienation I had felt prior.

I have never heard of an apple before. Is this an American nickname? I do sometimes feel myself growing distant from Taiwan as I continue to live in Latin America and integrate more to the culture. There are times when I find myself thinking in Spanish before Chinese and it is a little concerning sometimes.

Are you American? Or do you still live in Dubai? I have heard America can be hard for people from other cultures because you are forced to assimilate.