I know that it has significant meaning to me but I struggle putting it into words to explain it to other people (especially other dya cis people). So like a few years ago I was thinking about if I may be trans femme. I have since realised that no, actually I was just struggling with it for a while because I donât relate to the gender roles and expectations society puts on men. I now identify more strongly with being a man than ever before, and I love being a man in a gender-way. I just absolutely hate being a man in a âwhat role men have in societyâ-way.
I just absolutely hate being a man in a âwhat role men have in societyâ-way.
I know exactly what you mean. A lot of random nonsense is seen as âunmanlyâ for no particular reason. Iâve seen grown ass men throw temper tantrums about doughnuts with pink glaze, because it is apparently uNmAnLy to even touch one, as if you would get a visit from the man police and they revoke your man card for even contemplating touching something in a âgirlyâ color. Itâs just complete and utter nonsense.
It is a lot healthier to not give a flying fuck about gender roles - but also harder, depending on the society you live in. I have the luxury of being a big, bearded dude so not many people dare to openly mock me when I do âunmanlyâ stuff - I let my niece paint my nails whenever she wants. I cry when movies get emotional. The last dog I owned was a mini pinscher, and I still miss her. I donât like beer, cars, football/soccer/whatever. I bake and cook and I can get real passionate about it. I still own my first ever plushie.
âŠbut I also have a bunch of friends who have been relentlessly bullied for similar stuff, gaslighted into believing that they deserved it for not being manly enough. And it breaks my heart every time I hear yet another story of someone killing their own passion, numbing themselves down to the point that they become unable to enjoy what they formerly loved, just to âfit inâ a society that doesnât accept deviation from the perceived norm.
Fuck gender roles in general. All they do is make people miserable for not fitting in.
EDIT: The above statement is not meant to bash trans folk by the way. What I dislike are the expectations tied to certain societal ârolesâ and the almost automatic ostracisation by âthe societyâ if someone isnât fulfilling enough of those expectations. Let people be who they want to be.
And it breaks my heart every time I hear yet another story of someone killing their own passion, numbing themselves down to the point that they become unable to enjoy what they formerly loved, just to âfit inâ a society that doesnât accept deviation from the perceived norm.
Yeah I feel like that was an issue for me as well and one of the reasons I either repressed or resented parts of myself for a long time. And Iâm glad the journeys I had the last couple of years (the one I described in the post and also the journey of overcoming depression) not only helped me accept those parts of myself, but be happy and proud that I have them.
People like what you describe are why I feel glad I live in a very queer friendly area, even though Iâm not queer. Itâs just exhausting to deal with all the fragile egos in a repressed conservative area. Iâm a cis hetero male, and queer people / allies respect the fact that even if I eat a pink-glazed donut, I am still a cis hetero male. I donât have to prove my fucking manliness to every triggered dude bro I see.
