I started trying to humanise people who pissed me off. Over time it chilled me right out.
By which I mean; say youāre on the motorway pulling 80mph in the outside lane and some asshole in an Audi comes screaming up behind you, flashing his lights, trying to get you out the way so he can get back up to 110mph.
In the past, Iād make a wanker gesture at him, then gradually pull across, making him all pissy with me. Iād get that momentary hollow feeling of victory that Iād got one over on a prick. Then Iād realise that I was mostly just angry and Iād achieved nothing.
So I started trying to humanise those people. Maybe heās driving his Audi like a twat because he really needs a crap, or his wifeās having a baby. I donāt know, and I donāt need to know. Little by little this has helped me to chill out, and not just while driving. Itās carried over into other areas of my life, where I attempt to provide a justifiable reason for shitty behaviour at times when I just couldnāt know the truth.
I stopped that voice in my head that would constantly pop up and say āIām so stupidā or similar variations.
It took me some time to understand that mistakes are just mistakes and everyone makes them. It easy to take all the blame and demean yourself for every little thing, but it feels so much better to stop those words in their tracks and reevaluate.
Using the āniceā things, especially if theyāre tools for hobbies/chores I spend a lot of time doing. I cook a lot, and got myself a nice chef knife a few years ago. It makes prep just a little bit more enjoyable, and I feel like thatās actually added up to quite a bit of happiness over time! I donāt mean to recommend that anyone go ham upgrading everything indiscriminately, and I donāt think a nice thing necessarily has to be the best or most expensive; maybe itās even something you already own. Iām using the nice dinnerware knowing I will definitely break or chip everything eventually, and Iām wearing the nice clothes until they snag and stain instead of saving them for a moment that might not come.
Itās definitely a treat! As someone living in a really cluttered home, it really makes a distinction to use the āniceā item for a change. Itās about focusing on the now rather than hoping thereāll be a better time.
Recently, I realized some markers had dried up and didnāt even get to use them once! Or the time the cool stickers didnāt even stickā¦
It has somewhat changed my perspective of the stuff I really want to keep, and what I keep because I feel obligated to.
I stopped smoking a year ago. Visited a psychiatrist and took my anxiety under control. Recently switched to vegan diet. Lifeās been better.
