I have been working in the industry for 8 years and am now considered a senior developer, also as a team lead.
Three years ago, my first child was born, and a few months ago, a second one arrived. While I don’t regret my decision to have kids at all, I do feel bad about how the lack of free time affects my career and how my knowledge falls behind the industry.
Before having kids, I used to spend a few hours a week on never-ending personal projects to learn new things. However, now I neither have the time nor the energy for that.
The only way that has worked for me is to read some tech books, which are often not about coding, and to read some blogs or subs like this.
However, I feel like this approach is too passive and is not providing the best outcome that I would expect.
Any tips there, perhaps from someone who was is similar situation?
A) daycare, B) 4 days a week for work, 1 day a week for work-related learning/projects/ideas. YMMV depending on your employer
If only this were true for all.
That one day usually gets occupied with wanting to clean the house or get other chores done so the weekend is available for the family to enjoy together.
Daycare costs cause for reevaluation of need once they hit school age.
Employers also need to have upgrading or continued education built into budgets to allow for that growth as well or at least I’m hopeful they would do that. Understandably you train people to leave is the mantra I’ve heard over and over. But those tend to be the better employers and the good karma comes back to them.
and I can really relate to that part of the need to use that one day for some home errands or other stuff. this would also probably come with the payment problem for that day (depends on the job, contract etc). So, as long as it sounds good on paper, it’s not something that can be applied with no limitations or drawbacks.
It’s a mental adjustment. It’s a schedule or routine you and your partner may need to build. All depends on how you keep your domicile concerning the errands aspect.
I’d carve out your productive time or when the creative juices flow and try to get that moment for you setup for the day you’d get. Then have your mindmap, notebook or whatever easily accessible to just note or draw your thoughts on the problems or concepts.
Maybe you can look into alternative sleep cycles (Edison, Tesla, Bell etc) and see if that allows for a you time.
I’ve found looking for news aggregated sites related to your niche can also just give you a little pick me up boost to stay in the know on trends but also gives you content for say a Pocket or repo to gather content to read before bed or another time. Heck even reading it to your young one.
I’ve been combatting this for several years. Once the independence kicks in for them you are freed of things you thought you would never be. Also really neat when they are interested and or can do work while mom or dad works.
About payment problems. If the employer looks to 4 day work weeks it’s either going to be 4-8’s or 4-10’s and if 8’s to stay competitive will need to accommodate for 5-8’s pay schedule. Then there is the pay off of carving out your time to maybe push a side project or contribute for a slice of revenue that could be your play money.
It may complicate the money situation, but as a new parent my wife and I have found a lot of value in paying the extra price for stuff like grocery delivery. We also found value in getting a roomba.
The roomba keeps the main floor of our house clean enough that we can afford to go a few weeks without using a real vacuum if we need to.
The grocery delivery saves us on having to get the kid together, ensure the diaper bag’s packed, drive out to the store, find the stuff, drive back home. Or at least we can avoid locking down one of us with kid duty while the other runs out to shop. It’s not cheap, between fees and a tip we often end up paying ~20% more, but it’s a time vs money value decision. I find we’re valuing our time more than money a lot lately. It also allows us to re-up groceries or household goods on days one of us is working from home, while we’re working.
Granted, I’m in a very stable salaried position where I’m not constantly being picked apart on metrics or qualified productivity (I’m more sysadmin and automation than software dev). We’re also in the early stages of child rearing, not even 6 months in yet. Mileage may vary.
So functionally speaking I take my 20% of other time on the mornings when I don’t want to start as opposed to it’s own day.
Working from home I need the whole space empty, but daycare for us is now $660 a week which bests out the mortgage so that may have to change.
In any event, work time is now also fun time so I pack it as densely as I can, then grind with the fan in the evenings. Weekends are pretty nice with the fam, but weeknights… Eesh.
Yeah, kids are exhausting. I have way less time for personal projects.
First, don’t be afraid to take time off when your kids need you. Kids get sick, kids have bad days. Family comes first. If you’re responsible about communication, your job can handle you taking time off when needed. Don’t let your job add to your stress more than necessary.
Then, you have to learn to redefine productivity and impact. I used to focus on more tangible measures of accomplishment like the number of commits, number of bugs fixed, and so on. But after a while I realized that nobody cared about those things when it came time for performance review. In fact, sometimes I got more kudos for a little side project I spent less than a day on, than work that took me months.
So, I learned to focus on what has the highest impact. I don’t overload myself with tasks so that I have lots of time to mentor, to do cleanup work, and to think about the big picture. If my “regular” tasks are going to take all of my time, that’s too much - I ask my manager what’s the highest priority and I push some things back. The “big picture” thinking allows me to sometimes make some great insights and do work that wasn’t asked for, but makes a big difference.
If you do that, you also have plenty of time to learn new things on the job. Rather than personal projects, do side projects related to your work. Try rewriting something in a new language you wanted to learn. Try out a new library or framework. It’s okay if some of them are throwaway - turn them into a useful proof-of-concept or demo. It’s an opportunity for you to learn and to do something useful for work.
And don’t forget to enjoy your kids and take lots of pictures and videos! Oh, and write down all of the funny things they say. They’re only young once.
So, if I understand correctly, it comes down to managing my workload in a way that allows me to allocate some of my work time to learning. This sounds interesting, but I wonder if it’s achievable in my case.
We once had an agreement to allocate 1-2 days per month to learning, but that quickly fell by the wayside due to the constant need to work on something that brings value.
However, if taking a break is not a natural and agreed-upon solution, then managing my time more effectively on my own could potentially make a difference.
I’m a staff engineer with a toddler and went through (am going through?) a similar thing. At the end of the day, I’m just tired and want to veg, not necessarily try to learn something new about programming. There were a few things that helped me though:
- The biggest thing was just to recalibrate my expectations. I talked with other dev parents who all said that, until the kids are able to play a bit more independently (eg 6 or so), you just have to accept that your self enrichment time is going to be limited.
- For my off hours learning, I stick to mainly portable skills. Ways of thinking about technical debt, etc. Things that are both widely applicable, and can be learned more passively.
- I try to carve out time to learn during work hours. I’m lucky in that the company I work for allows for a lot of independence, so my team actually instituted an “investment day” where we work on whatever we want, with the only goal being that you should try to do something that you’ll learn from.
Keeping up with current tech is part of your job, so do it on the clock. Senior developers are absolutely expected to spend time on experiments and exploratory projects; it’s how they can safely and confidently propose and lead major refactors and improvements.
Understanding the potential risks and complications with a project supports your ability to properly scope, staff, and mentor.
This is a very fair point, similar to what some other members wrote. The only thing I need is to organize my work time a way that will make this possible and still let me perform in a similar pace as I do now.
One of the biggest things you can be learning during this time if you haven’t already (and it’s an intensely uncomfortable thing to learn) is how and what to delegate. My projects don’t take me less time when I’m effective in this, but they do free up mental load for doing only the important grind-y work, and separately thinking about the things that need to be thought about.
Junior devs are scary, and giving them actual responsibility is scary, but it’s also how they get more competent and eventually do more good work than things that need adjustment or rework.
Things will get better the moment your youngest becomes more independent, and sleeps well at night.
