I feel like the idea that women are otherworldly creatures instead of people and seeing someone being nice to their partner as “the man having tamed a female and convinced her to treat him well” has a lot to do with his problem.
I hate how much that is preserved socially, there’s no good reason why that hasn’t gone away at least a decade or two ago.
It’s learned helplessness. Once they get rejected 15 times in a row for being a weirdo or something similar, they start to think in that instead of either reflecting back on the experience and trying to be better, or looking elsewhere.
Totally agree. I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years now, and it most definitely didnt involve me trying to tame her 🤣
It was just luck to meet. We both liked each other. That’s literally it.
The important feat is making yourself into a person that the other person would like to have in their life and makes their life better.
There wasn’t. FierroGamer got way too many upvotes for his stupid comment.
Cool! I didn’t know I was getting good numbers. That’s how I read the thing but you’re welcome to disagree, I certainly don’t read “convinced a woman to touch him gently” as someone recognizing the woman is a person who might’ve chosen to do so without convincing the same way she chose to rub his shoulders too.
Yes. Being isolated is a result and a cause of strange views of other people.
It’s a positive feedback loop that one needs to accept massive discomfort — on the part of the re-integrating person and on the part of the normal people they’re re-integrating with — in order to escape.
Avoidance of disturbing others is a key part of men self isolating.
It definitely reeks of incel energy, which is unsurprising considering the source.
Of course people want make this guy into ultra Hitler and blame the situation entirely on him.
If it wasn’t clear, I wasn’t saying he’s the most horrible person in the world but rather that his issue is most likely linked to the way he sees women.
I also could’ve sworn I made a point about it being a societal issue rather than just that individual’s
Anon imagining a giant, insurmountable gap between his life and his coworker’s life is a huge part of the problem.
He has a job, goes to the gym and apparently he is able to experience emotions. Also, a seemingly well-adjusted person inviting him home immediately suggests he is able to make a good and trustworthy impression.
He can jump the gap easily, he just doesn’t know it, so he’s timidly staring to the other side and imagining what it must be like to live there.
If you think you’re flawed, unattractive and unworthy of love, you can easily remain untouched way into your adult life, just by sabotaging yourself.
He is looking over the fence seeing the grass being greener.
But doesn’t notice the gate
Well sometimes you need help to see that gate. If he has not seen the gate yet then how will he magically see it now until it is pointed out
Let’s be honest here, given that we have a partial, biased peek into anon’s life, there could be a myriad of reasons that make that apparently small gap a far more serious problem. He may have a notoriously ugly face or body, he may suffer from heavy anxiety at the tought is becoming intimate with another person as a result of trauma, he may have atypical nonverbal communication, he may not want to form a connection with someone he doesn’t really have much in common with, he might be a mysoginist. These possibilities would limit his options a lot, and looking for someone when you’re supposedly doing everything right but still having so much trouble is painful.
If not saying Anon shouldn’t look for tools to actually find a partner if he wants to put in that effort, but that we shouldn’t underestimate his difficulties.
Anon’s co-worker would probably be willing to try and help him, especially given that he was helping them. The social nature of humans is our low-key superpower.
Evolutionary biologist here.
The social nature of humans is our high key superpower. It’s an increasingly common position that our individual intelligence is at least in significant part a side effect of an evolutionary arms race in an increasingly complex social environment, and that this was added to by the multilevel selection dynamic of increasingly cooperative groups. See EO Wilson for more details, as he’s one of the more prominent biologists who studied the phenomenon.
Sweating is what allows you to survive in most climates as well, what is wrong with it on that front? It even helps with pheromones delivery, double whammy! )
My horny ass was waiting til coworker and his wife asked to get fucked by op
Maybe they would have if op hadn’t ran out! At least that’s what I’m going to imagine…zip
You might wanna try dating apps, its often easier than most would like to meet swingers and couples looking for their third, their unicorn. But negotiating a threesome is more difficult than most of them are ready for.
Oh you sweet bean. I really want to comment on this and not be dismissive. But I am quite old and very sexualy experimental. I’m polyam with two partners and I’ve been a bull for couples before. But thank you for trying to direct people that maybe less knowledgeable then myself. Keep being kind!
A 22 year old that’s married with a house?
Lol
That gave me pause, too. But I have a family member who bought a house at around 19 - a fixer upper in a semi rural area in Georgia (the US state) with a down-payment from his family. His dad helped him repair it and make it liveable. So that’s lending some verisimilitude to the story.
It’s possible in a very rural area with mommy and daddy’s help, but it’s definitely not ‘finding happiness’.
Owning a house means being house poor, can’t buy what you want because all your money is spent maintaining your property. That’s stressful.
Getting married in your early 20s is also a recipe for disaster, you change too much in that time period and have no idea what you really want out of life. FOMO starts to hit as 30 approaches and both partners blame one another for trapping them in an isolated home with no money and the next 50 years looking exactly like the last 10 did.
Yeah when I was 16 I had a 19 year old girlfriend who owned her own place. It wasn’t a small place either, 5 bedrooms, 2 bath, large living room and an entertainment room.
She bought it for 20,000 in a tiny rural neighborhood in the middle of nowhere. It was always packed with young people partying. One day she got married, had kids, and raised them there.
She sold the house about 5 years ago for 60k and used that as a nice down payment on a nice house in the middle of town.
She got the place for a damn good price. It was in an old mining town and had been cared for since the 60s by a housekeeper for a rich family who left when the mines went under. I’m not joking, when we went to look at the place it was a time capsule. It had magazines in baskets in the kitchen from the 60s. The decor hadn’t been changed. The woman who lived there kept to her one room and maintained the rest of the house. It had the color tv the owners bought in the late 60s, a bookshelf with old encyclopedias, the original washing machine and classic stove. The guy who owned it was the owner of the local cable company and there was a building full of old cable hardware. He had a washing room built outside for the lady who stayed there where she kept her personal belongings. It was a large room with an attic. Hell, someone could have lived in there honestly.
It was amazing. Kind of broke my heart to see it changed.
He could be in the military. I know a few people married with houses in the US at about that age, and the story fits.
My fiance put the down payment on our house and had us moving in when she was 23, so it’s definitely possible even on meager income. We don’t have the nicest house in the world, but it’s good enough and we got lucky on the timing, it would cost us a lot more now, only 5 years later.