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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/NotionofNeglect on 2023-11-16 20:55:45+00:00.

My 36M boyfriend can’t keep a job and when he does he complains and misses so much work that he ends up eventually getting fired. Since we’ve known each out almost 10 years and have an 8 year old daughter our relationship has moved somewhat quickly with having to adult a lot sooner than expected when having a child. I’ve been at my same job for the past 5 years and 2 years ago I was able to get him hired on and we were making really great money together but as of July he lost his job and everything is on me again. I won’t lie I’m struggling and since the financial responsibility is on me I’ve made some bad finance decisions with loans, that I’m trying to get out of, which is part of why I’m looking for a higher paying job to pay off my debt I’ve accrued.

My boyfriend honestly hates doing anything on his own and relies on me like a big second child basically, and due to this I’ve known I’m an enabler of this behavior. When I try to make him do something on his own it ends up as an argument or a discussion where I just eventually end up caving too.

I’m tired of enabling him to not being independent and basically rasing our child by myself. I mean he’s 36 how do I get him to be self reliant and more helpful to himself? I’m trying to make things easier on myself by finding a higher paying job to lighten the load but I know it’s just to avoid and try to force him to find it on his own but it’s not a working tactic. I’m at a loss on this.

TLDR: my boyfriend lost his job in July and wants me to look for a position for him, instead I’ve started looking for higher paying job as to avoid finding him one.