It seems like all the onus is on to socialise in the meantime you are relentlessly judged for how you go about socialising or dating. I am on college right now and I am seriously struggling to make friendships. My anxiety is kinda on overdrive because of it. I am expected to know if I am welcome to come or not but if I am not supposed I am judged severely. Meanwhile there’s no one really coming up to me trying to help me. You know I’d like to just once be good enough for someone to come up to me and say that they just want to be around me. Enough of the guesswork. I am tired of it. I’m in my mid 20s just give me a fucking break at this point. So much of my “disability” would just go away if people had the decency to fucking educate themselves and expect me to know everything. I put myself out there and talk to people. I’ve done my fucking part.
A lot of people are ruined socially because of social media in my opinion. Consider that others may be feeling the same way.
I would recommend focusing on doing what you like instead of trying to force yourself into situations that you don’t. You’ll meet others along the way and you don’t even need to force it. Make the goal enjoying your time, enjoying the experience. Don’t make it about going to events you think you’ll like and then focusing in what others think about you. The people who hold you to some expectation in social situations that you aren’t interested in are not the friends you want.
You are damn right when you are frustrated, and you are damn right in expressing that.
I am sad and embarassed (right word?) about all the unempathic comments you are being met with.(*) I’d say ignore them if you can – literally put them on your ignore list if you wish, and take them perhaps as your involuntary helpers who demonstrate what you are usually met with (if this is the case). So that this has a purpose and doesn’t hurt you …
Like someone else commented, you probably do not want such people to be your “friends” – they would only be friends with that mask you present to them in order to appease. Your frustrated/lonely expression is a mask, too. But that one they don’t like and why you wear it doesn’t interest them.
Kick that idea that you are disabled (i know, i know, but try to push it away) and it will help you to relax (that’s important). The more we train a specific thought pattern, the more that will become our only reality.
Being on your own, or being in the position of the quiet observer for the time being could actually be a good thing to have, as it will give you inner and outer room to move (away from the rigid/unrelaxed idea which makes it seem a burden). Look for such people whose presence you would enjoy. That is, such people whith whom you would resonate, naturally. Those might be the ones who are able to observe beyond the mask and those who play alone. They might not be the most relaxed ones, initially.
The good fruit are rare and you are young. I hope this resonates or is at least a lottle comforting. From someone who had many developments happen ten years late.
[leaving that typo as-is because i like that word … a lottle]
(*) I just held myself back from answering each of those comments with “this hurts” … but it would have me spam the comment tree. Leaving it up to you.
Maybe don’t care as much? First due to the stress it causes. Second, if you pretend to be someone you’re not, people may end up liking that instead, and much like with any farce, the longer it goes, the more cracks appear.
Also, something I try to do is, without worrying much for the result, to chitchat with people. If they sound/look interested, I keep going and depending on how it evolves, I might even have gotten someone who I’m going to be hanging with for years to come. If they don’t sound or look interested, I slowly drop the attempt and try it with someone else down the line.
I am not pretending to be anyone. Trying not to care isn’t a realistic solution because if I don’t care then how will I meet people? The end results is me spending my days alone.
The end results is me spending my days alone.
Have you considered the possibility that this might be the most you can achieve socially? Or even… that you might be better off alone?
God forbid I actually want a social life then. Expecting accommodation for my disability the penalty isolation. Fucking neurotypicals. I want a social life. I want a romantic life. The only reasons those things are supposedly unaccessible is because of the bigoted attitude of others. I am tired of being told its all my fault for not changing my behaviour enough or because I am apparently asking for too much as a person on the spectrum.
So much of my “disability” would just go away if people had the decency to fucking educate themselves and expect me to know everything. I put myself out there and talk to people. I’ve done my fucking part.
I understand you’re angry, but maybe you’re not pleasant to be around? Some people are mean, some people are annoying, some people are rude. And they rarely realize it.
You can blame your social situation on your diagnosis until the cows come home, but you can’t use it to blackmail people into enjoying your presence.
I’d like to just once be good enough for someone to come up to me and say that they just want to be around me. Enough of the guesswork.
That’s the thing: they are “saying” that they just want to be around you, just not in a “language” that you are at all fluent in. It’s going to take a whole lot of conscious effort for you to interpret what other people are “saying, not saying,” and it will require you to tell people who you are and how you think and communicate. The good people will adapt their communication style to one which comes more naturally to you, because they want to be around you.
@snaptastic Please let me know whether this comment meets your relevancy standards.
