It took me forever to get into an appointment with a therapist. My mom and dad see her weekly and love her, so I had a lot of hope. I asked for time off work, drove 30 minutes to the office and got stood up. She completely forgot about me and missed the appointment. I’ve been suicidal for a long time, and it’s creeping up again. Things are getting bad, I’m headed for a breakdown, there’s no avoiding a complete mental collapse now I can feel it. I don’t know if I will survive this round, I don’t think I care if I do or not. I don’t know if I even want to.
I honestly have no idea what you are going through but it sounds terrible. Consider this a hug, please. I won’t hit you with any platitudes. Love you!
I’m so very sorry you’re going through this, and that the help you sought and expected never came to be. That is an especially low blow, no doubt just a right kick in the guts. Please hang in there until the next appointment. If you can let your therapist know of your suicidal ideation they’re like to get you in ASAP, if not at least a phone call/video chat. There are apps I think for phone/video chatting therapists. Anyone else you can let know, can you stay with someone? I’m so sorry. Please wait it out, you’ll get out the other side somehow. Sending you all the supportive vibes and strength and hope. Hugs.
It sounds like you’re a bit trapped in a cycle of catastrophizing thought, which can be really hard to get out of. I’ve been there and know it’s really tough. You need to try to reframe your thinking, as a breakdown doesn’t need to be inevitable unless you make it. Try to practice some meditation, break from your normal activities by doing something new, and make sure to seek help. Just because you missed one therapy session doesn’t mean you can’t try again. Hang in there!