Onion is supposed to be satire, most of this seemed like solid advice.

I’m a radical leftist who believes in forcibly castrating all men and sewing their penises onto newborn girls

This is what Republicans actually believe (or close enough)

“As an American, letting a Canadian tell you what to do is a beta move.”

I love turning the chuds’ rhetoric around on them. If they want to argue in bad faith I’ll get right down into the mud

Salad. Lol classic.

I’m saving this in case I run into one of of his simps.