So I’m not sure how to define my sexuality. I only care because I have a hard time explaining it to others (men mostly women don’t care).

Basically about 2 years ago I came out as bisexual (50/50 attraction). I had a lot of sexual trauma and resolved it in therapy. I had a whore phase to explore myself, but I honestly don’t enjoy sex that much. I maybe cum 1-2/10 times, so mostly it’s been about pleasing my partners.

A couple months ago, I basically stopped dating because I kinda don’t care to. I find I get much more out of dance and hobbies. I still get horny, but after masturbating, I am back to not caring.

Sex just sounds remarkably unrewarding and too much effort. I like connecting with people, but dancing with someone is way less complicated than arranging sex for the same reward. Friends annoy me sometimes because they assume I’m just not having success.

Is this asexuality? I still sometimes like sex, just very rarely.

7 points

This link really helped me understand myself, and I hope you’ll get some mileage out of it too.

https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/faq/am-i-asexual.html

permalink
report
reply
5 points

I would say that what you describe falls in the spectrum, but no one can decide whether you’re asexual but yourself. As pointed out, a label is just a tool to better understand yourself and find people that somewhat can relate to your experience.

Asexual people can experience libido (sex-drive) or not, aesthetic attraction, can masturbate or not, engage in sexual activities for a number of reasons (feeling close to someone, pleasing someone, etc.), etc.

What really helped me was to listen to other ace people experiences. You can find a bunch of resources online, for a starter I really like the “free from desire” podcast, which touch on a number of the things you describe in your post.

Best of luck in your self-introspection, whether or not you decide that the label is for you you’ll have come out the other way with a better understanding of yourself :) .

Also take care, do not put too much pressure on yourself, and please don’t let other define your relationship to your sexuality for you.

permalink
report
reply
2 points

I like sex well enough and I have a very high sex drive, it’s just hasn’t worth the effort so I don’t pursue relationships. I wouldn’t classify myself as asexual. If I magically found myself in a relationship with someone I was compatible with I would pursue that. The problem is finding that person. I’m not sure what that is considered.

permalink
report
reply
1 point

Not sure if Id call you asexual since you still have potential for a sexual relationship in the right circumstances. I would say demisexual maybe

permalink
report
reply
3 points

Demisexual still falls under the asexual spectrum, just as an fyi.

permalink
report
parent
reply
1 point

Thanks did not know

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

I am no expert in all the nuances, but I second your opinion that the description seems to match demisexual.

permalink
report
parent
reply
1 point
Deleted by creator
permalink
report
parent
reply
1 point

Demisexual would fit perfectly if “deep emotional connection” were replaced with “the right energy”. I don’t need a deep connection in the traditional sense, but I need a very particular energy which is rare.

The last person (woman) I had this with could barely understand me when I spoke (different English accents). We danced and I felt a strong connection. Ultimately it’s emotions, but it was like we move and breathe the same. Like our bodies flow together and connect. We only danced and kissed, but I’d rather dance with her than fuck some beautiful person who I didn’t have that with.

So maybe a deep emotional connection, so long as “emotional” includes a wide variety of emotions.

permalink
report
parent
reply

Asexual

!asexual@lemmy.world

Create post

We value all members of the ace community. Join to discuss topics regarding AVEN, art, projects, news and share valuable information to fellow Aces.

Please refrain from engaging in behaviour that is exclusionary of the Ace community. All aces are valid here.

Rules:

1. Be Respectful, Aphobic comments will be removed. This is not the place to debate our existence.

2. No Illegal Content

3. No Spam

4. No Explicit Content

5. No Enciting Harassment, Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts

6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

7. Content should be related to Asexuality or the LGBT+ movement. All Asexuals and Allies are welcome here.

8. Reposting of Reddit content is permitted, try to credit the OC.

9. You do not have to be Asexual to post here, allies are welcome!

See also:

Bisexual - lemmy.world

LGBTQ+ - beehaw.org

Lesbian - Lemmy.ml

If there are more please send me a DM.

Community stats

  • 175

    Monthly active users

  • 55

    Posts

  • 208

    Comments