I fell for someone who lives in a different country. We met while he was passing through mine, and then he later changed some of his travel plans to come back and see me again.
We saw each other every single day for over a month, he met most of my friends, we went on trips together and overall he was very loving and did all kinds of things that made me feel like we had something that could last beyond a fling. He told me he would be back again.
His feelings changed not long after he went back home, and he only admitted it to me once I confronted him after noticing him become more and more distant over 2 months. He said he found it hard to stay emotionally invested in someone so far away.
I get that long distance is hard and that people’s feelings change. I just didn’t think he’d lose feelings for me so easily. It hurts more than ending a relationship that has slowly burned out over time, because I just can’t make sense of how quickly this happened. And I think a large part of why I got so attached is because I very rarely meet guys I’m genuinely interested in, let alone ones that treat me well.
Have any of you gone through something similar? If so, how did you cope with it? Was there anything that made it easier to accept, or do I just need to let time do its thing? I have a bunch of important things to finish this week and have already lost so much time crying lol.
What you do?
You start getting into Linux, buy open source t shirts, grow a beard, listen to Stallman talks, and stop interacting with normies ever again. Only communicate through text travelling over open source technologies.
Make sure you spend enough hours in front of a keyboard to get a very pale skin color, reddish eyes and a rounded spine and neck. Pull down curtains so you see your screen better and avoid sunlight.
Drink lots of soda while sitting completely still so you gain fat and lose muscles.
I use Arch btw.
I had to quit my job not long ago to recover from burnout, and for some reason I decided to start using Arch btw even though I’m a kind of a linux noob (maybe as a more acceptable form of self-harm) and spent the next month locked away to tinker with it.
My setup is pretty much complete now, so I guess I’ll just focus on growing a beard this time. Thanks for the great tips!
Cut a newbie some slack! No one told me I had to use Arch as my first distro, I started with Ubuntu. Couldn’t a 5 o’clock shadow suffice as a start?
Haha no problem. :) It’s a great distro. And you know the old joke…
- How do you know someone is using arch?
- They will tell you.
:)
It’s a great distro
I’ll agree once I can figure out how to at least get my laptop suspend on idle. Why are there no clear docs on it???
Hobbies, exercise, friends, family, and just putting yourself out there when you’re ready. Also, time.
I had something similar happen a few years back. I had matched on tinder with someone from a different state that I actually met years ago in high school. I hadn’t really been interested in him that way back then, but we reconnected and it was intense. We talked everyday and our birthdays both fell on the same weekend, so I went down there to visit him and celebrate together. Only a couple days in, he told me one night that he was falling in love with me. We built a pillow fort, partied, and went hiking together. I was absolutely smitten and so excited to start something new.
I ended up putting off the rest of my road trip to stay longer with him. However, when I finally did leave, I was driving through miles of desert when he texted me and said that he actually didn’t see anything happening between us. He said that he wanted someone who knew when to “leave him the f alone” and wasn’t looking for someone who wanted something super deep, but more so just companionship. It felt like such a rejection of who I was and I was gutted. I felt like it was somehow my fault. Since I didn’t have signal, it was a rough drive alone with my thoughts.
Towards the end of the night, I ended up texting with a friend about it while I camped out (still on my road trip). It sucked at the time but looking back, he was kind of a prick. He had no shame about leading me on and he picked on me for little things while I was visiting him.
It’s usually a bad sign when things feel so intense right off the bat. It’s only easy for this guy to leave because he really doesn’t know you well enough to know what he’s missing out on. It might feel like you missed some chance, but it isn’t your fault that this happened and there wasn’t more you could do. Be gentle with yourself. ❤️ This guy wasn’t honest with himself or with you about his feelings, and he ended up hurting you for it. It’s clear to me that he likely isn’t mature enough for you. Remind yourself that you were willing to go the distance, right? You did everything you could have. You want someone who will go the distance with you and follow you to the ends of the earth, and tbh, it’s much more likely something to do with him, not you. Meaning that even if the distance wasn’t an issue, you don’t know if it would work either.
And you don’t have to get over it right away. It’s okay to just kind of drag through the days for a bit. But keep socializing, because other nice (and even attractive!) people will remind you that you still have something left and you’re worth kindness from others. And do things for yourself. When I get lost after heartbreak, what has helped a lot is going for walks or hikes, sometimes on trails where the signal is iffy (so I don’t expect a surprise text), with an audiobook or some music. I really wish you the most kindness. Feel free to shoot me a message if you need any extra support, I’ve been there.
Wow, your story made me really sad for you, what a terrible way to be dumped. Thank you for sharing, it helps a lot to hear someone else’s experience and remember that I’m not alone. Your comment really moved me I almost started crying again haha. Thank you for being so kind.
Brains are very good at eventually becoming comfortable with a new normal.
They’re also good at being distracted temporarily.
If you can keep yourself busy with positive things (self improvement, cleaning, exercise, cooking), you give your brain space to become accustomed to the new status quo.
Meeting new people is always a good thing to do too, something to keep the social part of your brain from wallowing. Maybe join a local social activity (walking/hiking groups are great).
Time heals all wounds. Make sure you don’t keep reopening them.
