Just turned 3 toddler has been saying factually untrue things and trying to get me to agree/repeat these things. They won’t let me just ignore their statements and push for an affirmation. Not affirming leads to tears and a tantrum. I’ve been just saying ‘ok’ or ‘I think you’re wrong but ok’ but mostly letting things go if they seem trivial like: ‘Ice cream is not cold!’, ‘It’s not dark yet!’, ‘Snow isn’t white’, etc… I’ve been mostly targetting statements they make about other people and their feelings or desires like ‘You’re not tired!’, ‘She doesn’t want to sing.’, ‘He’s not hungry.’, etc… and letting the meltdowns happen in those situations but my spouse is concerned that I’m making toddler believe they can have their own facts outside of reality and that I should push back every time something factually inaccurate comes up. I feel like this behavior is probably developmentally normal and like everything else, we need to target specific things to work on one at a time. Thoughts?
Impeach him. Twice.
I work in Early Childhood Education, your kids fine. They’re just playing as they explore and learn. Your husbands approach just dismisses their voice and doesn’t achieve anything constructive.
If they’re still acting like this by 5ish I might start to be a little concerned, but honestly I’d expect they’ll get bored of it in a month or two.
The tantrums are also a pretty standard response as they’re learning emotional regulation, alongside trying to be independent while learning more things at any other stage of life. Its chaotic, all you can to is be there to role models and guide them through understanding what they’re feeling and ways they can control their state.
If you really don’t want to play along, the best method is re-direction. I like to ask confusing questions, e.g. “the snow isn’t white” “Oh what colour is the snow? Is it red, I like red because I like red apples. What’s your favourite fruit?” Or you could just point to say a dog walking outside the window etc. just something to get them thinking about a different topic.
It’s a natural stage of development. Playing with the idea of reality is part of understanding and accepting the world around them. Let them play in the world of make believe while asking them about what they’re experiencing and help them form understanding. *Pointing to blue item “This is orange.” “That’s orange? What else is orange?” If they demand you agree with them, it should be fine. This is early development. It’s way, way more important that they feel safe and loved than what they’re thinking and saying. They will grow and if they seem to be too distant from reality, there’s plenty more things you can do to help them at that stage.
Vote for the other guy.
But more seriously, have you tried exploration? “What makes you think that?” “why do you think that?” Etc.
Toddlers are notorious for playing the ‘why?’ game, but I used to have fun turning it back on them. It can lead to some quite interesting conversations if you are in the mood, not exhausted etc. Worth trying?
I’m not a parent but a teacher who has encountered similar things with students. This won’t work in all the situations you described but you can try giving them affirmation by telling them they are very creative for coming up with cool ideas or stories. This can provide positive attention without conceding the point.
Also for some things like ice cream not being cold, you get explore the idea with them. Cold is, in fact, not a thing, it is just a lack of heat.
