A Warforged Thief Rogue with a Guild Artisan background and a Bard dip, with a bag of holding installed in his chest.

Name: Bender B. Rodriguez

An old granny bard, based in no small part on my own grandma. She doesn’t channel her magic through song or dance, but through her sassy remarks, telling stories about her childhood, and making baked goods, sweets, and presents for her adopted grandkids (the adventuring party).

Bardic Inspiration? Reminding you how much she loves you and is proud of you. Alternatively, giving you some candy for later or promising that if you do well, she will bake you a pie or take you out for icecream for being so brave.

Healing spells? Blown kisses, band-aids, and warm cookies.

Hypnotic Pattern/Hold Person/etc? Telling a rambling story (that she forgot what the point/moral was before she even started) but the enemies are too polite to interrupt her.

Dissonant Whispers/Visious Mockery/etc? Asking when you are going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend, graduate, get married, or get a real job. Telling bad (and slightly innapropriate) jokes, for her own amusement, often messing up the punchline. Asking if you have talked your mother recently (“You know, she won’t be around forever, and I am sure she wishes you’d write more.”) Simply saying “Bless your heart.”

Party Buffs? Giving you knickknacks, homemade gifts, or old hand-me-downs she really thinks you’ll like. Passing down age-earned wisdom and giving encouragement to just try your best. Making breakfast for the party, using far too much butter, cream, and other artery clogging goodness.

I had a fantastic idea for a pair of D&D characters.

See, the two of them were originally Oath Of Conquest Paladins, but even though their boss is kind of hardass neither of them were ever that devout.

One of them would rather be an Artificer, and spends most of her time building gadgets.

The other, he would rather be a Ranger, spends all his time talking to his animal companion (who isn’t a Raven but uses Raven rules so he speaks one language… but he’s actually a cat).

Despite being the Ranger’s animal companion, the cat would also rather spend his time tinkering…

But they still recite their oath at the start of every major fight.

“To protect the world from devastation…”

Borrowing an idea from a friend:

A halfing that grew up believing he is a great and powerful wizard. His parents could never talk him out of it before he left home. So, being a wealthy family, they sent a troupe of stage hands to protect him and his imaginative little mind.

Mechanically speaking, the character is a wizard. However naratively, all of his spells involve his troupe. Magic missle? One member for each missle brandishes a knife and stabs the target. Levitation? The troupe lifts him on a platter and carries him around. Presdigitation? A costume change, or a member rapidly cleaning the mud off of the targets boot, etc…

The halfing will never acknowledge the existence of the troupe. After all, they’re stage hands. No one is supposed to see the stage hands…

It’s kind of simple, but I always wanted to play a rogue with proficiency in perform that declares he’s a bard. I had a friend who played a typical rogue, and would try to skim a bit off the top whenever the party would get money. The other people in the party would catch him since he was a thief and they were always watching him. So, I figured declaring yourself a thief is kinda dumb. So, I’d be a rogue with absolutely no magic power pretending to buff people, and taking credit when things worked out ince my music must have helped.