Accounting for margin of error it may be more accurate to say there are roughly equal numbers of self-identified gay and bisexual men. Even still, this looks very little like the trend for women and would seem to go against the common idea of how people are distributed along the sexuality spectrum. Why do you guys think this might be?
Source is a Gallup poll from 2021. You can find their write up here: https://news.gallup.com/poll/389792/lgbt-identification-ticks-up.aspx
Hi. Bi dude here. The LGBTQIA+ community is really not all that accepting of bisexuals, but does tend to be a bit more accepting of bisexual women. Bisexuals often get treated like we’re fence sitting, like we havent accepted that we’re actually gay or actually straight. And so we’re clear, that’s not a universal statement, but it is an experience that a lot of bisexuals experience within the LGBTQIA+ community
Doesn’t help that a lot of this gets internalized, I think. Like, fuck, there are plenty of terms that seem reasonably descriptive of me (bi, demi, enby, etc.) but… I’m super straight passing, and not super driven by sex or romantic relationships, so it’s like… I never really have to deal with these labels in my day-to-day? I stick he/they in stuff when people ask for pronouns, style myself somewhat androgynously, am well aware 90s David Boreanaz is objectively eye-candy, and I haven’t gone on a date in… years, because I just don’t really care. But claiming those labels feels improper, somehow. Both from a “born and raised christian, que toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia” perspective and a “I am in a position of extreme privilege where I haven’t had to face many of the struggles common to the LGBTQIA+ community, claiming a place there seems insulting” perspective. /shurg
Toxic masculinity, imo.
Being a man that sleeps with men makes you less of a man so fewer men are willing to admit their own latent bisexuality.
It is more socially acceptable to be a woman that sleeps with women, so more women are willing to own up to it.
It’s not just a problem with our community being unaccepting or calling us fence sitters. Most men will not identify as bisexual due to the much different overt homophobia that men deal with imo (not to diminish hate against women which is a big problem).
I’ll give examples. Guys will often be perfectly fine dating a bisexual woman and tend to think that they’re more adventurous or that it’s more attractive because they fetishize lesbianism. Whereas with women, women just assume all sorts of stuff and tend to not want to date you if you’re a bisexual guy. They’ll think that being gay is gross, that you’ll cheat on them, that maybe you were submissive (gasp), etc.
At the end of the day, they’ll say they aren’t homophobic and support lgbt issues as an ally but the moment a bisexual man wants to date them it makes them uncomfortable. This makes me want to hide who they are.
I think it’s similar for a lot of bi men too when their family gets involved. A lot of toxic masculinity means that if you can choose to identify as straight and hide it, you might as well.
Yeah. I feel like I left a lot of this unsaid in my comment that I meant to say, so thank you for expanding. Heteronormative people just see us as icky and gay. So bi men are incentivized to lie to themselves to get through the day. I think a lot about the conservatives who talk about how you must not let yourself fall into the temptation of gay stuff and its kinda like… It seems like if they admited they wanted to get dicked down, and then got dicked down, the world would be a better place
As a pansexual, it can often feel like I’m getting shit on from all sides; transphobes because I date trans people, homophobes because I like kissing other guys, and most distressing of all from the queer community who can have a problem with biphobia (because I have straight-passing privilege, I assume).
There’s also a LOT more women who are unwilling to date men who date men/trans people than there are men who refuse to date women who’ve been with women, for example. I assume this is due in part to bisexual/lesbian women being sexualized for the mainstream, and also because lesbian relationships are seen as “less serious” than M/F or M/M relationships. A woman who sleeps with women might be seen as “going through a phase” or “playing around”, but a guy who sleeps with guys is often seen as irrevocably tainted by homosexuality.
According to a poll by Glamour (not necessarily a scientific source) 63% of women will not date a bisexual man: https://www.glamour.com/story/glamour-sexuality-survey
