Have any queer vibes to share? Here’s your place!
Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.
So a week or two ago I was talking to my therapist about how I’ve had the urge to express more “soft” emotion which may or may not have come through in some of my posting here
Anyway I talked about how wrong it felt to express that as the person I am currently. Like I want to squee over cute things and lavish affection on people I care about but it makes me feel like such a goober, like it’s uniquely ill-suited to me. I asked if that sounded like gender dysphoria and she was like “yeah pretty much lol”. I think it’s the first concrete instance of that I can express, which is nice in some ways that I can put a finger on it, but it’s putting a finger on something negative :/
Another one I just thought of recently was smiling. I hate when I smile involuntarily, I feel so idiotic and ugly when I do it. Maybe that’s just normal low self esteem tho 🙃
the last part of this reminds me a bit of unlearning the typical guy head nod. the common consensus in trans spaces and just watching cis friends is a smile or even a lil waive. it definitely felt unusual at first but these softer things can become second nature before you know it
Gender dysphoria is a weirdly validating but sucky thing. Obviously I hate having dysphoria, it happens all the time wirh me. it’s fucking awful and annoying but also validating in that, clearly doing trans things alleviates it, which makes me feel like I’m not making the wrong decision by pursuing transition
“Like I want to squee over cute things and lavish affection on people I care about but it makes me feel like such a goober, like it’s uniquely ill-suited to me”.
Oh look, it’s me
Guymoding for a week has made me feel so fucking weird and confused. Like I’m way less confident in my transness than I was before I left to see family. Honestly just feeling disgusted with myself
it’s the last queer thread of the year
hope everyone is doing well!
Conflicted. My sister was trying to be supportive and asking if I had a boyfriend, but as soon as she got drunk she made some homophobic remarks. At least she’s trying.
Today (Dec 30th) officially marks the end of my fourth week on HRT. Haven’t noticed too many changes physically, mentally, or emotionally. My skin feels softer i think but that may be placebo and i swear the redness on my legs and thighs is starting to clear up in splotches but that could be me noticing things that have always been there…
Anyway this entire month I’ve been really craving some trans and queer focused content (and shitposts) that isn’t just video essays (i do love video essays i just feel like something more easily digested) but I’m not sure where to look.
I rewatched The Bisexual but that’s pretty much it. Feeling like I might just reread Nevada for the hell of it.
Oh, I just cannot help myself. Have you also read all of the weird books that Nevada inadvertently spawned??
Books directly descended from Nevada: Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters. It has differing core themes (queer parenthood) but it basically continues the spirit of Nevada, which is “surly damaged trans woman bitches for 300 pages about how everything sucks in New York”. It’s enjoyable I think, I like Reese as a protagonist and Ames is equally sympathetic and infuriating to watch pretend to be a dude.
Books stylistically very similar to Nevada:
Little Fish by Casey Plett, which is similar but set in Alberta (or something Idk ) and follows Wendy through her weird relationship with having been raised Mennonite.
Otros Valles by Jamie Berrout. The yin to Nevada’s yang, featuring direct intertext and one of the only trams women of colour I’ve seen author a novel about being trans and not white. Very rad.
Books tangentially related to Nevada:
Little Blue Encyclopedia by Hazel Jane Plante: Narrator recounts the life of her deceased and beloved friend Vivian, through an encyclopedia of things from her favourite in-universe TV show, and it’s the best pining-for-a-straight-girl I have ever read.
Tell Me I’m Worthless by Alison Rumfitt: Here’s a book where Nevada’s blog-lecture style clashes horribly against a horror tale with a really simple theme about the British being fash. I thought it was awful but you might like it?
Manhunt by Gretchen Felker-Martin: Check the content warnings on Storygraph, this book is an absolute hot mess, paced weirdly and reads like an unhinged trauma dump. But, its focus on assimilation and queer community building makes it worth engaging with for strong-stomached readers.
That’s all the books with sorta-ties to Nevada I can think of, I have a lot more novels with trans wlw as leads hanging out too though. (Read The Last Girl Scout by Natalie Ironside!!!)
