Just came back from my holiday to Basque country, where I spent almost three weeks. I decided to take a break from politics (as far as possible in Basque country lol). To make this easier, my phone randomly decided to die a few days in, so I lost all connection to the world.
I wanted to use the holiday to find myself again. I was dealing with anxiety for the past two-three months, overly worrying about money and the future even though it may not have been needed to do so.
I did some hikes on the rocky beaches and through the mountains for a few days. I spent days on the beach relaxing and swimming. My gf gave me a book that, according to her, was meant to take me away from politics. She gave me ‘Fall of Giants’ by Ken Follett. For those who have not read it, it’s a book about the labour struggle in England, the (build up to) the first world war, fall of aristocracy and the Russian Revolution. It even features Lenin lmao. It’s mostly fiction, so she probably thought it would be nice for me to read fiction. I am enjoying the 1000 page book so far, so she was right.
While looking for balance in life, I had my great breakthrough on a rock. I was swimming at the beach when I suddenly felt the urge to swim past the cliff seperating the bay from the sea. There was nothing but cliffs behind it and I decided to go back when I suddenly saw a small rock protruding from the sea. I swam to it and climbed it, facing my back to the land. I saw nothing but ocean in front of me and I sat there for over an hour, staring into the distance. I saw water, incredible clouds, a far away thunderstorm and a boat in the distance, slowly passing by. I sat there thinking how this view will be the same in a hundred years and that I’ll be long gone by then. And so will be the people back at the beach, together with all our worries. It made me realize again how little time I have in this place and how much time I spent worrying about unimportant things. When the hour was gone, I felt like a weight was gone from inside my head and my shoulders, and I swam back to the beach.
I enjoyed my stay in Basque country. I tasted the local cuisine, spent some time at the beaches, the bars and in between the Basque people. I enjoyed the countless political flags and (communist) statements made everywhere. I enjoyed the easy and laid back way of living and I feel refreshed. I’m ready to continue the communist fight over here now, and I have a lot of things coming up.
And, importantly, I will start my new job at the Union next monday.
How is life going? Have I missed important things while I was gone?
Wb Dankzedong, I was wondering where you had been
I’m at a weird place in my life. I’m about to fail the 2 summer classes I’m taking, I was just diagnosed with ADHD-PI, my plans to get an apartment with one of my best friends fell through (at least I still have this one to live in!), but I don’t feel as despondent as I think I normally would. Idk sorry if I’m oversharing I’ve been drinking
Sounds like you’ve hit a rough patch, but good on you for not letting it all get to your head. Do you plan to do something with your diagnose?
thank you! I’ve been on adderall for a week and it’s seemed to help some, I might need to up the dosage a little. my counselor wants me to find someone specialized in adhd but I haven’t done that
That’s good to hear. Therapy/guidance can be a good option to help you with problems you (may) face. My brother has pretty severe ADD and he still is thankful for the help he got with counseling. It helped him getting through trade school and landing a pretty okay job.
Good luck on passing the classes. I hope you can still make it or at least that you’ll be able to retake them if possible.
Someone published a genzedong report while you were gone lol https://lemmygrad.ml/post/988070
I feel like I’ve been in a stasis the past few years. I don’t leave the house much anymore and I haven’t been doing much to improve myself. I’m lucky that I get along quite well with my parents that I can live with them without much tension and that I work a high paying WFH job with minimal surveillance, yet despite all this privilege the rot is only slowed, not stopped. There are contradictions within me that I have yet to grasp.
Still, some things are changing. I’ve been getting involved with a local org more the past month or so. Mostly zoom meetings and text banking, but I did help canvass for support of the teamsters last weekend. I’m also working on getting a second opinion from a shrink regarding a diagnosis. Finally, I converted an old gaming PC into a server that I plan on using as a kind of data bunker.
i am in a similar place too, only difference is that i work as a farmer. My social life ended when i finished my uni degree lol, i fulfill my social needs when interacting on this sub, only times i go outside is when i need to buy some farm supply/grocery or going to the gym.
And honestly, it’s prob the happiest i’ve been since i was a child lol.
Life kind of sucks right now and idk why. I’m in a weird state of depression right now. Been a depression enjoyer for most of my life but this funk is new. It feels like I’m just going through the motions.
I turned 40 this year and last year I finally got a programming job after graduating with a degree 7 years ago. How’s that for the job market, huh? But now I’m starting to think I just don’t have the brain for it. Each time I grasp something I think I’m good and then 5 minutes later I get stuck and feel like a total idiot again.
I keep thinking if I could do it again I would have gone for a degree in PolySci but even if I got into politics like I sort of want to(and no real idea even where to start) it’s the fucking US so at best I’d have to play the part of reformist and sound to the public like it was “left of center” to even get anywhere. And at worst I’d have to cuck up to the Dems and not get anywhere with policy, so it just seems pointless. Watching the first half of Requiem for an American Dream from Chomsky doesn’t help this mood lol.
I was getting ready to work on the early stuff to try and get a CPUSA chapter here but after the drama from this weekend I’m hesitant. We don’t have any real org here aside from DSA and they have gone radio silent. The big Chicago conference is this weekend and I’m gonna try and tune in to that and see what it’s all about. Donno where to go from there tho. We have a handful of leftist orgs but we are fragmented. It makes me feel like a curmudgeon but I feel like we need to figure out how to unify the left if we want any change but that keeps going back to reformist thought.
Ok back to work…
How are you the exact opposite of me rofl! Tbf I do actually work a bit with the local Dems and though some of them mean well, holy shit are they misguided and brainwashed.
If you got a knack for solving problems and making magic by typing words on a screen I’d say definitely give programming a try. I’m just going through a low point with it right now but to be perfectly fair, this thing I’m currently working on is using code to generate other code and it gets a bit weird.
this thing I’m currently working on is using code to generate other code and it gets a bit weird.
Making a compiler?
Keep struggling my friend, i assure you that most people around you have no idea what theyre doing either but they pretend they do. You will keep getting better and better at it, selfless people dont realize how skilled they are most of the time.
Currently in a comfortable rut. Job is not moving anywhere for better or worse. I am sure as fuck not getting a promotion or raise for a while (I’m union so I get a guaranteed raise but not yet :( darn ) and definitely not getting fired as I’m the most useful one in my department. My education won’t start for another month or 2. I’m having as much fun as I can living literally paycheck to paycheck. I am definitely not eating healthy bc McDonald’s app deals are cheaper than healthy food. Ik ik it’s garbage but it’s affordable. Sorta roughing it rn but at least I have a positive attitude. I find things to entertain myself, theory to read, YT history vids to check. But damn it sucks in more than a few ways. And let me just say congrats on getting out and experiencing nature, it’s good for you. Great writing style too, creates quite an image.
