Hiya ladies,
Today I’m trying to understand how to let go of the mean, unhappy boy I never wanted to be, and embrace the passionate, loving girlie I dream of becoming.
Before I was brave enough to accept myself I was self-isolating, over eating, and indulging in various other coping mechanisms for short term, unsustainable dopamine hits. I was also mean, anti-social, and very standoffish because I thought that’s who people expected me to be.
Now I want to be, need to be, someone completely different, letting out the parts of myself that I suppressed for so long I forgot they were even there. How did you do it? How did you unlearn those almost instinctive behaviours and defence mechanisms that keep people away and keep your real self buried and suffocating?
Thank you in advance <3
Hi! I’m not trans but my girlfriend is a cult survivor. Her experience has some similarities to yours.
Growing up she was taught a lot of purity culture BS that caused her to isolate, suppress her feelings, and generally become a machine in order to protect herself. The journey to becoming a person again, involves identifying negative habits, accepting that you are not broken or immoral for developing them in order to survive, and redirecting yourself to better narratives and habits. A therapist, if you can access one, can help with this process.
I am not a trans. I am a white cis male. I’m including this info because you asked from post transition people, but I wanted to answer anyway.
What you are asking, i.e. “how to get rid of bad habits” is a question most people struggle with when they want to improve themselves, so don’t worry if there is no clear cut answer.
I would simply advice you to try to embrace who you want to be and don’t be too strict on yourself. Try to be who you want to be and if you sometimes lapse, that’s okay too.
If you aren’t already, therapy, always therapy, can never get enough of that. Also helped me to find people I could look up to or who shared similar experiences and had the patience to teach me how they got through it. It can also take years so don’t feel bad if things aren’t clicking right away or if you regress in things especially during times of high stress. Just acknowledge what happened and keep doing what you can. This is part of the biggest factor for me which was just consistent self reflection, which you’re already doing by asking these questions. Don’t try to fix it all at once take achievable steps where you can.
It took me a while, and that mean boy did not disappear, but I’ve made improvements towards being a better person. What I did was mind my manners and habits continuously throughout the years, I believe there is no other way.
I don‘t have a good answer here but I wish you the very best!
