I’m really confused about this. On one hand (✋), I can see how dating an autistic person would be amazing because we would just understand each other on another level. We would get each other’s emotions, meltdowns, joy, special interests, hyperfocus, communication style, etc. Also, there’s no NT partner to miss whatever NT thing we don’t bring to the relationship.
On the other hand (🤚), we definitely have some deficiencies that NTs don’t. Having an NT can help us regulate, keep us updated on social matters that we completely miss, take care of a baby that’s wailing crying, and other strengths that we just don’t have, while at the same time, we contribute with our own strengths that they don’t have.
NTs, please feel free to contribute! Your opinion and experiences are important too 🙂
I’d love to see a discussion on this topic. So what do you think?
Yeah, here’s the thing about dating another neurodivergent person: their needs may be exactly what your boundaries are. For example, someone who is completely touch averse pairing with someone who is touch seeking and rejection sensitive. And since they’re not trying to be malicious but both of you are more or less intractable because you can only change or compromise on your needs through heavy and painful masking, it can be disastrous.
Also, neurodivergent people can be more ableist than allistic due to how they’ve internalized criticism and taught themselves to mask.
Now this is all situational and a neurotypical person can be the same way, which is why I say it really doesn’t matter if you date a neurodivergent person or a neurotypical person. It’s about finding a partner that can empathize and respects you.
I would advise against choosing a date based on wether their autistic or not unless their is a clear pattern of one not working out.
Everyone is still different, there are emotionally deep neurotypicals and neurodivergents with an opposite emotional existence.
That said, me and my partner do both have a diagnosis and I couldn’t see it be any other way.
I’ve tried to date fellow autistics, and it has never gone well. My longest lasting relationships have all been with other neurodivergent people, but all of whom have different issues. There’s something to be said for the closeness of having neurodivergences that are divergent.
I married my wife and later we were talking (she knew I was autistic and she has ADHD) and realized she’s probably on the spectrum too, just in different ways than I
To be honest, it works out well, since our characteristics are complementary. Whether that’s down to being neurodivergent or not, I can’t say.
My ex I dated for 5 years before that had ADHD too, now that I think about it…. And my best friend realized he’s autistic last year, and we’ve been friends over a decade… Maybe neurodivergent attracts neurodivergent?
Let me put it this way. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years now and back then we both thought we were NT. By now we both know we’re not 😂