I went to the neurologist this morning and after all of his tests, he said he couldn’t find anything neurological that could be wrong with me. He thought it might be behavioral, but that wouldn’t explain the morning heaving. He sent all of my records back to the gastro doctor and we’ll see what they say when they get back to us. So I’m kind of feeling a bit deflated.
Meanwhile, my mother is driving me insane to the point that I had a minor breakdown in the car while she was yelling at me. I had to repeat over and over that she needed to be quiet and she kept saying things like, “you have so many rules!” Finally, I said, '“these are the code words. If you hear me say the exact sentence, ‘you are making me anxious’ she had to be quiet and count to 30 in her head.” She agreed. Angrily. She doesn’t find that reasonable.
She’s also quite hard of hearing despite having hearing aids, so I’m having my wife sit in during these evaluations via Facetime so I can tell my mother “the doctor didn’t say that” and have someone else agree. It still hasn’t worked 100% of the time, but it has worked.
Also, every single time there is a possible diagnosis or she reads something that she thinks sounds like my symptoms (and she’s always wrong about that), she decides that’s definitely what I have and she definitely knows what should be done about it.
This time it’s worse, because she was a psychotherapist and she actually knows a little about behavioral therapy. But I feel really bad for her clients, because they had a totally crazy lady for a therapist. And she kept some of them on for like a decade after she officially retired. They came to her house. So they actually liked whatever she did for them. All I can think is that she has a completely different personality as a therapist.
Oh, she also thinks that the dry heaving every morning is inconsequential and I should just accept that I’m going to have to live with it the rest of my life. What. The. Fuck?
I guess it’s been so long since I’ve spent more than a few hours with her that I forgot how truly nuts she is. And a bit on the narcissistic side.
Edit: Ugh. This fucking guy again.
I can’t think of the exact quote right now, but I’m reminded of one to the effect of us tending to see the darkest motives in those closest to us, while being more likely to give more distant strangers a greater benefit of the doubt.
I’ve often found it to be true, where there is a temptation to judge a given behavior in a harsher light in someone we know well, than the same behavior would be judged in someone else.
I suspect your moms actual clients actually do get the benefit of a greater degree of professionalism than you do.
Interesting way of looking at things. And sure, she is probably much more professional with them. But the depths of her craziness… honestly, between her and my equally insane father, I’m glad I came out relatively sane. My brother did not. He’s currently taking absolutely massive doses of shrooms because he thinks it’s psychologically vital (no doctor has told him this) while his “supervising” wife sleeps next to him and writing on Facebook about his hallucinations and how they are so important psychologically to him. Like a month ago he was touting the benefits of microdosing. Now he’s at the point where he’s so disassociated from the world when he takes them that he thinks he has conversations with strange beings while being in other worlds. At least he knows that isn’t real, but for how long?
And that’s just his latest craziness.
I stick to weed. It helps with my neuraglia pain and it’s sure helped on this trip when I can get back to my room and vaporize some after dealing with my mother.
Man, that sucks. Saw your update the other day and was happy to hear you at least had a tentative diagnosis and some progress. Is the gross mouthwash stuff still helping at least?
I haven’t tried it since last night. I haven’t been able to bring myself to do so today. I need to find some psychologically good place to be in before I try again.
Makes sense. Your update post paints a very clear (and stressful) picture. lol.
Rooting for you.
The real issue is I have no idea who else I could have come up here with. It was just too impractical for my wife and daughter to both come even though my daughter is in online school. So it’s crazy mom or me by myself and I don’t know that I want to be here alone either.
I’m sorry to hear about this setback. I’m crossing my fingers for you for finding a solution to your health troubles.
She’s also quite hard of hearing despite having hearing aids,
One thing to help you out with her on this. My aging mother was having the same problem and in talking to her I learned how isolating this becomes. There’s only so many times a person can ask someone to repeat themselves before its socially awkward. Many times the hard-of-hearing person eventually just gives up and nods pretending to hear and just becomes not part of the conversation. They can be a room full of people and be totally alone.
I found that her hearing aid brand has an external (bluetooth) microphone option and got her one. These are called “Buddy mic”, “Handy mic”, or “Partner mic”. It is a small rechargeable batteried mic that can lay flat in the middle of table of people (omnidirectional mode) or clipped on a lapel (unidirectional) that will isolate just the one person its next to (to combat loud noisy places and bring out the voice of the person being talked to). There’s usually a smartphone app the user can control modes and further filter sound. The one I got also has a 3.5mm audio input so you can plug it direction into a sound source like a TV which will pipe the sound right into the user’s hearing aids.
Find out her hearing aid brand and model and do a google search to see if hers has one. It will likely be a couple hundred dollars but it is a GAME CHANGER. My mother has had it and used it for months now and uses it all the time. If she is having trouble hearing in a conversation, she’ll quietly pull it out, set it in the middle of the table and is back in the conversation being able to hear everything and respond. She loves it!
The same may help your mother, and its possible some of the friction you’re experiencing from her may be her frustration with being sidelined because she can’t hear and her getting frustrated with that and it coming out on you.
Thanks for letting me know, although she absolutely never listens to any medical suggestions I might make even though she has plenty about me. She does say her hearing aids don’t work very well anymore, so she clearly knows she has to get new ones. And she does take care of her health. Hopefully she’ll get the right ones that do something like that.
I know this is distressing and depressing, but try not to let the lack of diagnosis get you down. When it comes to unusual stuff, it can take years. It took so long for my partner to be diagnosed with Endometriosis, hEDS, and POTS, literally years for each one individually. She struggles a lot because many of the things that could help her interact badly with her other meds, so she has to pick and choose what to “treat.”
Anyway, the amount of time it takes can be brutal, but don’t stop looking for answers, and don’t stop advocating for yourself.
Also, try to minimize the amount of time with your mother if you can, because that certainly isn’t helping your mental state.
Thank you. The problem is I don’t have years. I can’t just not eat solid food forever. I was overweight when this started but I’ve lost 80 pounds and the weight loss has not stopped. This is kind of a desperate last hope and we don’t know what we’ll do next.
Try not to lose all hope. As shitty as it sounds in terms of quality-of-life, lots of people are unable to eat normally. I’ve known a few who had a feeding tube into their belly. Like I said, the issue of quality-of-life notwithstanding (because we all know that’s not a great quality-of-life), there’s solutions that will at the very least keep you alive until a better solution is found.
Oh man, I really empathize with you. There’s nothing worse than a stubborn, narcissistic know-it-all mom who still treats you like you’re twelve instead of a grown-ass adult. They never understand how they cause you anxiety, and they always think your problems are all in your head and somehow your own fault. They never realize how they wear you down by tearing you down.
I bought my dad a book for his birthday called Old Jews Telling Jokes*, and no lie, the first one he read was “What’s the difference between a Jewish mother and a Rottweiler? Answer: eventually a Rottweiler will let go!”
Levity aside, hang in there and stay strong. You’re in the best possible place for finding a diagnosis, and despite what the neuro said, you did have some small progress yesterday. Don’t let her nonsense overshadow that. And keep venting on Lemmy because we’ve got your back, and we know how draining overbearing moms can be!
* Side note, this was first successful gift I’ve bought him in ages. He’s 75 and famously hard to buy for so this was an enormous victory that I will be proud of probably forever haha
