Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.

384 points

Music too fast? Straight to jail.

Music too slow? Believe it or not, straight to jail.

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108 points

Just a little bit too perfect? Burned for witchcraft

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45 points

and after the burning, whatever is left, straight to jail.

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53 points

Sounds like a healthy form of governance. People can’t be trusted to manage tempo on their own. They should do this for heart rates as well.

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16 points

Checks out. If your heart rate is too slow or too fast you’re probably doing a sin.

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9 points

VladBit health health trackers now mandatory. Better keep yours charged up or gulag for you.

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6 points

We have the technology

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15 points

Straight to jail! Right away!

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16 points

Thanks to jail we have the most moderate musical tempo in the world!

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darude sandstrom ✖️

careless whisper ✖️

never gonna give you up ✔️

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28 points

YMCA by Village People? We’ll give it a pass ✔️

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6 points

Why they’re a 3min and a 7min version of sandstorm?

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7 points

3 min sounds like a radio cut

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161 points

80 to 116 BPM. I actually chuckled audibly that the BPM was specified, I assumed it would be extremely vague.

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56 points

They couldn’t even make it higher than the DAW defaults at 120bpm. So you have new musicians that have never recorded accidentally producing music at 120 and breaking the law. This is the dumbest shit I’ve seen since last week. I don’t typically put anything together that is below 120. Looks like I’m on my way to being a Chechen fugitive.

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12 points

I’m sure that this will be blatantly enforced against “wrong” types of music that just so happen to be popular among groups the Chechen government, just like Disco Demolition Night was a thinly-veiled race riot.

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19 points

Shocking.

No house, no techno?!

Suddenly a larger market for those sped up/slowed down ByteDance remixes, depending.

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17 points

Phonk producers with normal, slowed and speedy versions of their songs were already prepared for this.

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9 points
*

What if you are practicing? Can you start slow on the hard bits or do you have to get it right straight away?

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2 points

118 is plenty slow

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8 points

Simple fix: change the time signature. Boom.

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2 points

exactly. quarter note at 200bpm is eighth note at 100bpm.

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1 point
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4 points

I could never live any place that banned Jungle.

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2 points

Ehh just cut it in half. Not like they’ll notice.

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99 points

Are they just late for 1st of April?

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113 points

April 1st was too fast for them so they opted to use April 8th.

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40 points

April 9th would have meant straight to jail!

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97 points

So, they just banned the Russian national anthem too, since that sits at 76 bpm?

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25 points

I guess they only like the heavy metal remix.

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1 point

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

heavy metal remix

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.

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8 points

drevilpinkie.gif

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