I get the same feeling like I failed a math exam, like I should’ve known better but didn’t. I know I shouldn’t feel like this, I know nobody cares, but I can’t help it. It makes it hard to just relax and enjoy things.
I don’t even seem to have a special interest. It’s like I’m doing autism wrong.
All the time. It’s embarrassing when someone tries to test my knowledge. I’m not rain man. I can’t memorize facts and spew them out.
Yup. Like, I know I knew this at one point and can’t remember the details to save my life. I remember doing the deep dive. I remember enjoying it and feeling energized by it. And now I’m standing here word vomiting bs and repeating “I know I looked it up once”
I was thinking about it yesterday and I think part of it is that the binge process misses a few key things that otherwise wouldn’t if you don’t rush through. Like how people binge through stuff on Netflix because they’re so excited for their favorite show that they marathon it, but don’t absorb what they just watched because they did it so fast.
The problem is I can’t stop myself from taking it all in like that. I just love my interests so much and life is hard enough without them.
For sure! I have a very poor memory so not matter how much I try, a lot of what I learn never sticks. But I do keep a book full of everything I’ve done interesting about my interest (animals) and I really love that book. I can find the pages I’ve written on a specific animal and learn it all over again.
It still makes me feel bad whenever people put me on the spot because I feel like I /should/ know. But whatever, this interests is about making me happy not other people. Just enjoy yourself!
