Some background:
I am a 35 year old male with a 2 year old son. I was diagnosed this year after a lifetime of struggling and becoming a parent exacerbating my traits.
Today I had an appointment with my son’s speech therapist, because he’s still not talking more than a couple words. The appointment is unstructured play and interaction including mimicking him, waiting for his cues, etc. The problem is, I can’t pick up on communication cues or read what to do next. I can’t communicate with him like a normal parent and I feel like I’m holding him back.
The therapist had to guide me as much as she had to guide him. This was my first time meeting her, and it was all overwhelming and overstimulating. I was fighting back tears half the time and I couldn’t keep and make eye contact as well as my 2 year old. 😭
I feel like my kid is going to be stunted because of my issues. I’m newly divorced and I’m doing my best so my wife doesn’t take him from because “I care for him, but can’t care for him.”
I struggle without routines and children are chaos. I am excluded by other parents because I’m weird or different, and they keep their kids away from us when playing at the park. I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way.
Everything is always so overwhelming and I struggle to not have panic attacks. How am I supposed to help when he gets to school? I have trouble with numbers and can’t do math😭😭
I just feel like giving up. I don’t know what to do
This doesn’t read so much as a hot take and more like a cry for help. I’m sorry to hear that you have been having a hard time with your son. Any divorce is difficult, and having a child with special needs certainly doesn’t make it easier.
I of course don’t know the whole situation, but based on what you’ve written here, I would reccommend two things. First, at your next sessions with your son’s therapist, you might ask her if she knows, or has information on where to find, someone who can help you with parenting and divorce from your perspective. It’s important to remember that the therapist is always on your side, and you need not be embarrassed to ask her about such things.
Second, I think it might be valuable to search for other autistic parents and/or children in your area so you can share experiences and tips. Your son might also appreciate meeting children who are more like him, especially later on. Perhaps you can find parenting groups online, or you might ask the therapist about this as well.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you a lot of strength and success.
Hey, I stumbled across this post while surfing All. I don’t have much experience with Autism but I am a parent. One of the coolest things about being a parent is that it is a lifelong journey of growth and development.
As you watch your child grow and learn, you are also growing and learning as a parent. You are constantly learning new things about yourself, your child, and the world. You are also making mistakes and learning from them. This process of growth and development is never-ending, and it is one of the most rewarding aspects of being a parent.
It is also important to remember that just because you are an adult does not mean that you are done with your life journey. You are still learning and growing, and your child is watching you do it. They are learning from your mistakes and your successes. They are also learning about the importance of lifelong learning and personal growth.
You’re not alone. Every parent goes through tough times. My kids have more friends than I do… but I got to all their activities, play times, and events to support them. It’s okay to make mistakes! Looking down the road to school, working with your son to find resources to help with those tough math problems means you’ll be teaching him how to better seek help for himself in the future - this is an incredibly valuable skill that’s easy to overlook in normal work. Being open and honest about the struggles you face and the ways you look for help (as you’ve done here) are powerful lessons for a growing child.
Very few people a really ready to become parents. You’re figuring this out along the way just like everyone else. Grant yourself some grace, remember the wonderful things about your son, take care of yourself, and believe in yourself. You are strong and capable.
I didn’t read other comments, I just came to say this: for your child it doesn’t matter what you lack or what you are not able to give him. With a healthy relation, full of acceptance of your own problems that child will respect you no matter what because you will teach him things no other parent would: that everyone has some difficulties in life and it’s a matter of your own decisions how you deal with it.
Kids love their parents in so much shit situations that it’s unbelievable. If you love that little human they will love you back no matter what.
I have some speech problems like stuttering and more and my son never considered it as a problem, because that’s who I am and that’s how I speak.
That’s also something kids do that we adults don’t, they take everything as is without questioning it. Dad sometimes can’t pronounce everything like others and that’s how it is. They don’t judge whether it’s bad or good. It is what it is.
If you try being a good parent (and parents who fear being a bad parent usually are good) it’s gonna be all right.
Glad you said this because I initially came to say the same thing. The line “I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way” was so sad to read because to that kid their dad is their dad and one of the primary centers of their world. They don’t see a monster. Socialization and social growth will come for the little one.
To OP: Just give them love and continue to invest in their growth and development, and continue seeking professional help as appropriate. And don’t forget to give yourself grace and space. Give yourself the space to grow and learn and make mistakes, and grace when you do make mistakes or have days when everything feels like it’s falling apart.
Op here:
I didn’t expect such a response. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I value and appreciate all your comments and support. I will respond to the rest of you later.
Thank you
Not sure if you explained to the speech therapist that you have autism and difficulties with this. But it may make a huge difference in the way they approach this situation. Also it may help the therapist to know there is a family history of autism and check your son for it to become speech delay/non verbal can be a sign of it in young kids
