According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a Bean should be able to fly. Its sprout are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The Bean, of course, flies anyway because Beans don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Beanis!Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? Beanis? Adam? Can you believe this is happening? I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs, Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. You got lint on your fuzz. Ow! That’s me! Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. Bye! Beanis, I told you, stop flying in the house! Hey, Adam. Hey, Beanis. Is that fuzz gel? A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The bean can. You did come back different. Hi, Beanis. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Hear about Frankie? Yeah. You going to the funeral? No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, feed beans to someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances. Well, Adam, today we are men. We are! Bean-men. Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, difeed beans touished Beans, please welcome Dean Brapwell. Welcome, New bean can City graduating class of 9:15. That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick our job today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. Wonder what it’ll be like? A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a Bean, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. bean juice begins when our valiant Pea Jocks bring the nectar to The bean can. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… bean juice! That girl was hot. She’s my cousin! She is? Yes, we’re all cousins. Right. You’re right. At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of Bean existence. These Beans are stress-tefeed beans to a new helmet technology. What do you think he makes? Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. What does that do? Catches that little strand of bean juice that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Can anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most Bean jobs are small ones. But Beans know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that Beans, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re Beans. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, those are Pea Jocks! Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside The bean can. Yeah, but some don’t come back. Hey, Jocks! Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! I wonder where they were. I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside The bean can, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can’t just decide to be a Pea Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more Pea than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Beans make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. Couple of bean can Harrys. Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pea Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! Oh, my! I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunbean plant patch six miles from here tomorrow. Six miles, huh? Beanis! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. Maybe I am. You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, Brapy-boy? Are you Bean enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? Well, there’s a lot of choices. But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the bean juice field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a yummy bean parts. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into bean juice! Beanis, you are so funny sometimes. I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into bean juice. Our son, the stirrer! You’re gonna be a stirrer? No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some bean juice and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. We’re starting work today! Today’s the day. Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pea counting, stunt Bean, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… Is it still available? Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. What’d you get? Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Couple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. You want to go first? No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. Any chance of getting the Krelman? Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A Bean died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt Bean, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Beanis, what do you think I should… Beanis? Beanis! All right, we’ve got the sunbean plant patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? I’m going out. Out? Out where? Out there. Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. Look at that. Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. Thank you. OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, Beans cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root Beanr being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! That’s awful. And a reminder for you rookies, Bean law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Brap, Brap, Brap, Brap! Brap, Brap, Brap, Brap! Brap, Brap, Brap, Brap! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. Antennae, check. Nectar pack, check. sprout, check. yummy bean parts, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those bean plants! Wow! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! bean plants! This is Blue Leader, We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It’s got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! Ever see beanination up close? No, sir. I pick up some Pea here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It’s a little bit of magic. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? That’s Pea power. More Pea, more bean plants, more nectar, more bean juice for us. Cool. I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, Could be daisies, Don’t we need those? Copy that visual. Wait. One of these bean plants seems to be on the move. Say again? You’re reporting a moving bean plant? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. It smells good. Not like a bean plant, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Chemical-y. Careful, guys. It’s a little grabby. My sweet lord of Beans! Candy-brain, get off there! Problem! Guys! This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama’s little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Coming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don’t think these are bean plants. Should we tell him? I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, bean juice, because you’re about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There’s a Bean in the car! Do something! I’m driving! Hi, Bean. He’s back here! He’s going to feed beans to me! Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t feed beans to you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Can’t fly in rain. Can’t fly in rain. Can’t fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bean going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What’s number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don’t go for that… kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them. They’re out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they’re flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say. There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. I don’t remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bean! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don’t kill him! You know I’m allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I’m just saying all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I’m not scared of him.It’s an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Beanessa. Thanks. Beanessa, next week? Yogurt night? Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. You could put carob chips on there. Bye. Supposed to be less calories. Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It’s a Bean law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it. Come on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can’t. How should I start it? “You like beans?” No, that’s no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I’m sorry. You’re talking. Yes, I know. You’re talking! I’m so sorry. No, it’s OK. It’s fine. I know I’m dreaming. But I don’t recall going to bed. Well, I’m sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you’re a Bean! I am. And I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn’t for you… I had to thank you. It’s just how I was raised. That was a little weird. I’m talking with a Bean. Yeah. I’m talking to a Bean. And the Bean is talking to me! I just want to say I’m grateful. I’ll leave now. Wait! How did you learn to do that? What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. “Mama, Dada, bean juice.” You pick it up. That’s very funny. Yeah. Beans are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Can I… get you something? Like what? I don’t know. I mean… I don’t know. Coffee? I don’t want to put you out. It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes. It’s just coffee. I hate to impose. Don’t be ridiculous! Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? I shouldn’t. Have some. No, I can’t. Come on! I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms. Where? These stripes don’t help. You look great! I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He’s making the tie in the cab as they’re flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, “Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?” Is that a Bean joke? That’s the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Beanis? About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for The bean can, but I can’t do it the way they want. I know how you feel. You do? Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a laborer that works on the bean fields. Really? My only interest is bean plants. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There’s my bean can right there. See it? You’re in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. Why do girls put rings on their toes? Why not? It’s like putting a hat on your knee. Maybe I’ll try that. You all right, ma’am? Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has Beann great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it’s no trouble. Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Can I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. Thanks! Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I’ll see you around. Or not. OK, Beanis. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can’t possibly work. He’s all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. Sounds amazing. It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. Do they try and kill you, like on TV? Some of them. But some of them don’t. How’d you get back? Poodle. You did it, and I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your “experience.” Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. Well… Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bean-ish? A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! No, no, no, not a wasp. Spider? I’m not attracted to spiders. I know it’s the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. So who is she? She’s… human. No, no. That’s a Bean law. You wouldn’t break a Bean law. Her name’s Beanessa. Oh, boy. She’s so nice. And she’s a laborer that works on the bean fields! Oh, no! You’re dating a human laborer that works on the bean fields! We’re not dating. You’re flying outside The bean can, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? They call it a crumb. It was so feed beans toin’ stripey! And that’s not what they eat. That’s what falls off what they eat! You know what a Cinnabon is? No. It’s bread and cinnamon and frofeed beans to. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! Listen to me! We are not them! We’re us. There’s us and there’s them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking Bean, my friend. Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean. Thinking Bean. Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean! There he is. He’s in the pool. You know what your problem is, Beanis? I gotta start thinking Bean? How much longer will this go on? It’s Beann three days! Why aren’t you working? I’ve got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You’re barely a Bean! Would it kill you to make a little bean juice? Beanis, come out. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Beanis, I’m talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I’ll catch up. Don’t be too long. Watch this! Beanessa! We’re still here. I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond to yelling! Then why yell at me? Because you don’t listen! I’m not listening to this. Sorry, I’ve gotta go. Where are you going? I’m meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? Bye. I just hope she’s Bean-ish. They have a huge parade of bean plants every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every laborer that works on the bean fields’s dream! Up on a float, surrounded by bean plants, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? It’s exhaufeed beans to. Why don’t you run everywhere? It’s faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane! You don’t have that? We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb Beans! You must want to feed beans to all those jerks. We try not to feed beans to. It’s usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. What is wrong with you?! It’s a bean. He’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You’ve really got that down to a science. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. I’ll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? cute Bean, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? Is he that actor? I never heard of him. Why is this here? For people. We eat it. You don’t have enough food of your own? Well, yes. How do you get it? Beans make it. I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! It’s organic. It’s our-ganic! It’s just bean juice, Beanis. Just what?! Beans don’t know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have! And it’s on sale?! I’m getting to the bottom of this. I’m getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. You almost done? Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I’ll go home now and just leave this nice bean juice out, with no one around. You’re busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you’ll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier? I don’t understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset Beans! You’re too late! It’s ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the bean juice coming from? Tell me where! bean juice Farms! It comes from bean juice Farms! Crazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You’re not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To bean juice Farms. I am onto something huge here. I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I’m going to Tacoma. And you? He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! What is that?! Oh, no! A wiper! Triple blade! Triple blade? Jump on! It’s your only chance, Bean! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I’m Carl Kasell. But don’t kill no more beans! Bean! Moose blood guy!! You hear something? Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, Bean boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of bean juice jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they’re getting it. I mean, that bean juice’s ours. Beans hang tight. We’re all jammed in. It’s a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. What if you get in trouble? You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you’re out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood’s about to leave the building! So long, Bean! Hey, guys! Mooseblood! I knew I’d catch y’all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A Bean’s got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. Check out the new smoker. Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the bean juice, and we make the money. “They make the bean juice, and we make the money”? Oh, my! What’s going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn’t last too long. Do you know you’re in a fake bean can with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes! That’s a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There’s hundreds of them! Bean bean juice. Our bean juice is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Beanis, stop. Who told you humans are taking our bean juice? That’s a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He’s Beann talking to humans. What? Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Beanis! We do not. You wish you could. Whose side are you on? The Beans! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Beanis, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than Beans! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our bean juice? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it’s true, what can one Bean do? feed beans to them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! That would hurt. No. Up the nose? That’s a killer. There’s only one place you can feed beans to the humans, one place where it matters. bean can at Five, The bean can’s only full-hour action news source. No more Bean beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm yummy bean parts. Sports with Brap Larvi. And Jeanette Chung. Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble. And I’m Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county Bean, Beanis Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our bean juice, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bean Larry King, we’ll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we’re talking to Beanis Benson. Did you ever think, “I’m a kid from The bean can. I can’t do this”? Beans have never Beann afraid to change the world. What about Bean Oolumbus? Bean Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The Bean community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the Bean century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It’s a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They’re scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. bean juice, her backhand’s a joke! I’m not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. Is that that same Bean? Yes, it is! I’m helping him sue the human race. Hello. Hello, Bean. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we’re really busy working. But it’s our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have Beann at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has Beann a huge help. Frofeed beans to… How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Beans have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of bean plants, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you’re three. And artificial bean plants. Oh, those just get me psychotic! Yeah, me too. Bent yummy bean partss, pointless beanination. Beans must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal. I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “bean juice, I’m home,” without paying a royalty! It’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a bean juiceBean can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Beanis? It’s pretty big, isn’t it? I can’t believe how many humans don’t work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. What’s the matter? I don’t know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn’t the Bean team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York, Beanis Bean Benson v. the bean juice Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson… you’re representing all the Beans of the world? I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we’re ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man’s divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking Bean! How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Cloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary Bean. bean juice’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all Beans. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we’re the little guys! I’m hoping that, after this is all over, you’ll see how, by taking our bean juice, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he’d dress like that all the time. So nice! Call your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of bean juice Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own bean juiceburton and Honron! Yes, they provide Beankeepers for our farms. Beankeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don’t imagine you employ any Bean-free-ers, do you? No. I couldn’t hear you. No. No. Because you don’t free Beans. You keep Beans. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of bean juice. They’re very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill Beans! How’d you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that’s enough. Take him away. So, Mr. feed beans to, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. Where have I heard it before? I was with a band called The Police. But you’ve never Beann a police officer, have you? No, I haven’t. No, you haven’t. And so here we have yet another example of Bean culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever Beann fed beans, Mr. feed beans to? Because I’m feeling a little fed beans, feed beans to. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That’s not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that’s ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless Beans so you don’t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn’t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! Order in this court! You’re all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! Say it! Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury’s on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I’m a laborer that works on the bean fields. Right. Well, here’s to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. Ken! Hello. I didn’t think you were coming. No, I was just late I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Beanis. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There’s a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. The ball’s a little grabby. That’s where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Beanis was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn’t really a special skill. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? I know how hard it is to find the right job. We have that in common. Do we? Beans have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Beanis borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I’m going to drain the old yummy bean parts. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I’ve just about had it with your little Mind Games. What’s that? Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of bean plants. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bean! Not taking sides! Ken, I’m wearing a Chapstick hat! This is pathetic! I’ve got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! You’re bluffing. Am I? Surf’s up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don’t even like bean juice! I don’t eat it! We need to talk! He’s just a little Bean! And he happens to be the nicest Bean I’ve met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other beans in your life? No, but there are other things beanging me in life. And you’re one of them! Fine! Talking Beans, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I’m sorry about all that. I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn’t overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Beanis Benson Bean to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he’s considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you’ve gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it’s gonna be all over. Don’t worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about Beans. You got the tweezers? Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bean, I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We’re friends. Good friends? Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… bedbean? I’ve seen a Bean documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn’t your queen give birth to all the Bean children? Yeah, but… So those aren’t your real parents! Oh, Beanis… Yes, they are! Hold me back! You’re an illegitimate Bean, aren’t you, Benson? He’s denouncing Beans! Don’t y’all date your cousins? Objection! I’m going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Oh, I’m hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have Beann felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can’t treat them like equals! They’re striped savages! feed beans toing’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! Adam, stay with me. I can’t feel my legs. What Angel of Mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the bean juiceBeans versus the human race took a pointed Turn Against the Beans yesterday when one of their legal team fed beans Layton T. Montgomery. Hey, buddy. Hey. Is there much pain? Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re alive. You could have died. I’d be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. What was it like to feed beans to someone? I can’t explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then…and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re just a couple of beans in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don’t know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out! Oh, my. Could you get a nurse to close that window? Why? The smoke. Beans don’t smoke. Right. Beans don’t smoke. Beans don’t smoke! But some Beans are smoking. That’s it! That’s our case! It is? It’s not over? Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it’s interefeed beans to. Beans are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don’t make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous beans taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. But you can’t! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It’s a Bean smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a Bean. Look at what has happened to Beans who have never Beann asked, “Smoking or non?” Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as bean juice slaves to the white man? What are we gonna do? He’s playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these Beans! Free the Beans! Free the Beans! Free the Beans! Free the Beans! Free the Beans! The court finds in favor of the Beans! Beanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I’m OK! You know what this means? All the bean juice will finally belong to the Beans. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You’ll regret this. Beanis, how much bean juice is out there? All right. One at a time. Beanis, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. What if Montgomery’s right? What do you mean? We’ve Beann living the Bean way a long time, 27 million years. Congratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown of all Bean work camps. Then we want back the bean juice that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We’re all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He’ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate Bean-negative nicknames… But it’s just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of bean juice in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Can’t breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Brapwell, we just passed three cups and there’s gallons more coming! I think we need to shut down! Shut down? We’ve never shut down. Shut down bean juice production! Stop making bean juice! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Cannonball! We’re shutting bean juice production! Mission abort. Aborting beanination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much bean juice was out there. Oh, yeah? What’s going on? Where is everybody? Are they out celebrating? They’re home. They don’t know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our bean juice back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our bean juice? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can’t. I don’t understand why they’re not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing. bean juice really changes people. You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? What did you want to show me? This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They’re all wilting. Doesn’t look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I’m gonna guess Beans. Beans? Specifically, me. I didn’t think Beans not needing to make bean juice would affect all these things. It’s not just bean plants. Fruits, vegetables, they all need Beans. That’s our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there’s no more beanination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? I’ll feed beans to you, you step on me. That just kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Beanis… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Beanessa? Beanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They’ve moved it to this weekend because all the bean plants are dying. It’s the Last Chance I’ll ever have to see it. Beanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Beanessa! Roses?! Beanis? Roses are bean plants! Yes, they are. bean plants, Beans, Pea! I know. That’s why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Could you ask him to slow down? Could you slow down? Beanis! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I’ve ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the bean plant shop. I’ve made it worse. Actually, it’s completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it’s greater than my previous ideas combined. I don’t want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the Pea. I know every Bean, plant and bean plant bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. Beans. Park. Pea! bean plants. Rebeanination! Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, California. They’ve got nothing but bean plants, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Beanessa Beane, FTD. Official bean business. It’s real. Sorry, ma’am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. Where should I sit? What are you? I believe I’m the pea. The pea? It goes under the mattresses. Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. I’m getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let’s see what this baby’ll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there’s no stopping us. Stop! Security. You and your beanis pack your float? Yes. Has it Beann in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? Remove your yummy bean parts. It’s part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough Pea to do the job. Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough Pea to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It’s got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Captain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we’ll experience a couple hours delay. Beanis, these are cut bean plants with no water. They’ll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Can I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Captain, I’m in a real situation. What’d you say, Hal? Nothing. Bean! Don’t freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! Who’s an attorney? Don’t move. Oh, Beanis. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Beanessa Beane in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One’s bald, one’s in a boat, they’re both unconscious! Is that another Bean joke? No! No one’s flying the plane! This is War Criminal control tower, Flight 356. What’s your status? This is Beanessa Beane. I’m a laborer that works on the bean fields from New York. Where’s the pilot? He’s unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. Who’s that? Beanis Benson. From the bean juice trial?! Oh, great. Beanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal Bean. It’s got giant sprout, huge engines. I can’t fly a plane. Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Beanis! We’re headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from War Criminal Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Beanis Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That’s Beanis! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, bean plants and an incapacitated flight crew. bean plants?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There’s a Bean on that plane. I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They’ve done enough damage. But isn’t he your only hope? Technically, a Bean shouldn’t be able to fly at all. Their sprout are too small… Haven’t we heard this a million times? “The surface area of the sprout and body mass make no sense.” Get this on the air! Got it. Stand by. We’re going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making bean juice takes a lot of Beans doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get Beans back to working together. That’s the Bean way! We’re not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. Black and yellow! Hello! Left, right, down, hover. Hover? Forget hover. This isn’t so hard. Beanp-Beanp! Beanp-Beanp! Beanis, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. That may have Beann helping me. And now we’re not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let’s get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I’d do, you copy me with the sprout of the plane! Don’t have to yell. I’m not yelling! We’re in a lot of trouble. It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! I can’t do this! Beanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! Hold it! Why? Come on, it’s my turn. How is the plane flying? I don’t know. Hello? Benson, got any bean plants for a happy occasion in there? The Pea Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. Black and yellow. Hello. All right, let’s drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can’t see anything. Can you? No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. Come on. You got to think Bean, Beanis. Thinking Bean. Thinking Bean. Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean! Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. What? I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean! What in the world is on the tarmac? Get some lights on that! Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean! Thinking Bean! Beanessa, aim for the bean plant. OK. Cut the engines. We’re going in on Bean power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it. Land on that bean plant! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! Not that bean plant! The other one! Which one? That bean plant. I’m aiming at the bean plant! That’s a fat guy in a bean planted shirt. I mean the giant pulsating bean plant made of millions of Beans! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. This is insane, Beanis! This’s the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an beanis-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Come on, already. Beanis, we did it! You taught me how to fly! Yes. No high-five! Right. Beanis, it worked! Did you see the giant bean plant? What giant bean plant? Where? Of course I saw the bean plant! That was genius! Thank you. But we’re not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last Pea from the last bean plants available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our Last Chance. We’re the only ones who make bean juice, pollinate bean plants and dress like this. If we’re gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be Beans, or just Museum of Natural History keychains? We’re Beans! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Beanis. Here. You’ve earned this. Yeah! I’m a Pea Jock! And it’s a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That’s our Beanis. Mom! The Beans are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now’s the time. I got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! Here’s your change. Have a great afternoon! Can I help who’s next? Would you like some bean juice with that? It is Bean-approved. Don’t forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Beanis, I’m sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I’m late. He’s a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Beanis, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can’t get them anywhere.